All you people coming to visit...

...thank you! It's nice to have new eyes.

Unfortunately, I have had one fight too many with blogger, and so I'm making a big move... to here: Violets and Lilacs.

There are a lot of reasons behind this move; some of them are explained at the new page, but I'll talk about it a little bit again.

I started this blog to talk about Knitting, with a capital K (like me!). I thought maybe I could be this awesome blogverse star, or something, I don't know. What I found, instead, was a way back into my heart and soul. Which, ya know, yay. :)

But this little blog, while it's wonderful, feels to small for me now, like a snake trying to stretch out of its skin.

So now, to a new home. that is still semi-under construction, so don't mind the banner that has nothing to do with me. I'm working on it.

Hope to see you over there.

Wedded Bliss

I've been promising for awhile to post about the wedding. Even now, a month later, it's very difficult for me to remember the day. I explained it to someone as -- well -- when you're really living life, really truly living it (like the poets and the saints sometimes do), you tend not to remember it very well. My memories of the day are fractured. And stained glass. And perfect. And beautiful.

I woke up around 4am, and thought, I'm getting married today. I felt suffused with light. It was wonderful. Lucy was in bed with me, and she woke up when I did, confused because we weren't in our bed (we spent the night at my mom's with both my bridesmaids). I told her we weren't getting up just yet, so she yanked up my shirt and laid her head down on my belly, and went back to sleep for another hour. It was so peaceful, and such a wonderful way to start our day.

The morning remained fairly calm until we started getting close to "game time." Our friend Adam did our photographs (and if anyone in the Vermont area is looking for event photography, I CANNOT say enough good things about him), and arrived at the house around 8am.

The morning is very fuzzy in my mind. People were fussing with my hair, my makeup, and I was focusing on not morphing into some evil Bridezilla creature. The only real demand I recall making was informing anyone who was getting "emotional" that they could not be in the same room with me; I was having a hard time holding everything together.

I got into my dress at about 10:30am.

I have a very pretty sapphire ring that I call my "fancy engagement ring," but the ring that Robb gave me when he proposed is this garnet set in silver that we got at a local mall store that I adore. It's my real engagement ring. It completely did not match the dress, though. If you look very closely, you can see where we laced it into the corset back of the gown.

The ceremony was at the American Baptist church that Lucy and I have been attending regularly since just before Thanksgiving. It was -- wonderful. I remember very little of it, just the look on Robb's face as our eyes met, the strength in his hands when he took mine, the slight quaver in his voice when he said the words "My wedded wife." I remember thinking that if he broke down during his vows, there was no WAY I'd make it through mine.

If I remember correctly, right after we kissed, he looked at me and whispered "Hello, wife." And I said "Hi, husband."

And so begins our life together.

We did a few photos at the church, and then went down to the waterfront to get pictures on the lake. My entire life, I've seen wedding parties come down to the lake to get pictures; for the first time I was one of those couples. Wondrous.


As we were walking down the boardwalk, we bumped into my pusher fantastic local yarn store owner, Jill. She runs Kaleidoscope Yarns the drug den of choice best yarn store in town. I introduced her to Robb, who looked very bewildered until I explained who she was.


His response? "Hi. I hate you. But at least I know where my paycheck goes now."

It was good times.

The reception is especially blurry in my mind. We tried to talk to everyone, eat a bit of food, dance a bit. When everyone was gone, we gathered our friends together to play a Hold'Em tournament that Robb won in the wee hours of the morning.

It was the most amazing day. It has changed our relationship in ways that are both subtle and profound; we feel the same, and yet so different. It's exceedingly good.

I leave you with three things; the most amazing photo of Lucy I've ever seen:

My favorite "family" photo from the day -- all our local friends, doing what they do best.


Which is to say, being silly.

And then, a final word from my friend Jeremy, and what he read at the wedding:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now you will feel no loneliness, for each will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

**Please note that all photographs are copyright Adam Silverman, 2009. They do not belong to me, and they may not be distributed without his permission. At all. Don't take them off this page without asking, or I will get nasty. :)**

Interruption

this is not your normally scheduled broadcast. There is no knitting here today, no stories about my kid, no wedding pictures. We'll get back to all of that tomorrow.

Today, I wanted to tell you (you, here, being anyone who cares to visit my Little Corner) about this guy who hangs out at the local Starbucks. There's a much better local coffeeshop across the street from SB, but they don't take debit cards, and I never have cash anymore, so unless I'm actually carrying my checkbook, I stop in at Starbucks for my morning mocha.

There's a guy who is there almost every morning. He's old, and the light in his eyes -- he doesn't see quite the same world we all do. I've worked downtown long enough that I know him by sight, though I don't know his name, and I'd be surprised if he knew mine. But every morning when I go into Starbucks, he's sitting in this chair, studying the world. And smiling. I'm fairly sure he has somewhere to live, because he doesn't have that miasma that surrounds those who don't have the facilities to wash regularly, but he's not all there, you know.

And I try to smile back. Whatever's in my head, whatever's going on, I try to smile back. Because I'd like to believe it makes a difference, smiling at strangers. I try to smile at anyone, when I catch their eye. Mostly it freaks them out, and I'm sorry for that. But maybe if I keep doing it -- you know?

Anyway, this guy, I didn't think he thought anything of it. It's not like I thought I was changing his world by smiling, not really. But yesterday, I walked in, and he caught my eye, and we smiled -- and then he said "Thank you. I wait for your smile every morning."

I almost started to cry right on the spot.

Today, as I walked in, he gestured to me, and I walked closer to him, a little concerned to see what would happen next. Again, I've worked downtown a long time, I try to be caring but cautious. He said to me. "They're playing Amazing Grace, can you hear it?" And it took me a moment, because the overhead music was heavily orchestrated, and the melody was buried. But yes, I heard it. He said, "Everyone wants to talk about God, but no one wants to talk about mercy. Why is that?"

I had no answer for him.

So I'm asking for two things, if you've found yourself here today.

Smile at someone you don't know.

And forgive someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it.

Tomorrow, I'll see what I can do about dredging up some actually knitting content and some wedding photos.

It was the perfect day.

Beautiful. Exquisite. Perfect. The wonderful celebration of two lives joining together. 

There will be more, especially as the photos come in, but I just wanted to post quickly and say that there never has been a more wondrous day. 

Don't give up on me just yet.

I've been a busy, busy bee. Making wedding invitations, mailing them, knitting shawls...I should have pictures of the shawls up in the next week or so.

The big news today is that I'm moderately sure that poor Lucy has chicken pox! Much better now than needing the vaccination...but still! Waiting for a call back from the doctor to find out if they want to see her, or if they want me to keep her the hell away.

Don't give up...this space will be filled in ten days or so...

March 28th is just around the corner!

I've been quiet for a long time again...

... sorry about that. 

Planning a wedding is a pain in the butt, you know? And all the decisions that I kept saying "Oh, I'll decide after Christmas..." well, guess what! 

I've only got one more shawl to knit for the wedding, though; B's is done and mine is done, so I just need to finish Melissa's. I finally found a pattern I love that reminds me of her (the beaded shawl in the Holiday VK, I'm took lazy and tired to take pictures) and it's going swimmingly, I think I might need to do extra repeats as the one thing that Melissa will object to is a small shawl, but I have about three times as much yarn as the pattern requires, so we're good there. Extra tube of beads, too. We'll play it by ear. 

I'm ready for a heat wave, here in VT. Some 30 degree weather would suuuuuure be nice, mm-hm. 

But the whole reason I wanted to write this was to say that I woke up this morning to the smells of fresh bread from the bread machine and warm chicken from the broth I am (attempting to) cooking down in the slow cooker. I want to wake up like this every morning. 

Much love to you; I have a crying baby to go and hug. 

The obligatory Wrapping Up The Year post

Sorry that I've been silent since Lucy's birthday; it's been a crazywhirlwindsuperattackholidayseasonwahoo! little bit busy around here.

We survived Christmas with surprisingly little shrieking due to overstimulation. This was especially surprising when we went to Christmas at Dad and Mary Jane's, where there were six children under the age of four enjoying their presents in a (relatively) decorous manner. I mean, given that they are kids, and there was wrapping paper flying in all directions. Lucy made out like a bandit; she got tons of clothes and a few awesome new toys. Best toy? She got a keyboard that she.absolutely.loves. My little brother watched her pound on the keys for a little while -- she's figured out that different keys make different sounds, and will adjust her pounding according to what she wants to hear; she also knows how to make it play her a song so she can dance -- and then commented that he knew of someone else born on her birthday. That would be Beethoven.

Not saying she's a musical genius or anything; just a fun fact.

Looking back on 2008...well, a friend of mine sent me an email on my birthday (number 29, and for the first time, thankyouverymuch) and said pretty much "You've had an awesome year; you must be so proud. Good for you!" and it really made me take stock of everything that's gone on in the past 13 months.

What I said to my friend, I will say now to you. I really felt the solstice this year. I swear, I knew in my bones the moment the sun started to turn around and come back to us. I feel like I have been in a dark night of the soul for -- well, a lot of years, really. Depression hasn't been the right word, not exactly, but whatever it was, it peaked in the weeks and months after Lucy was born, and it didn't really start to lighten up until the past month or so. But that moment, on the solstice -- I felt that one. In my bones.

This is a much more articulate conversation in my brain, so I thank you for bearing with it while I try to sort it out on (digital) paper.

I feel lighter. For the first time in years, I am enthusiastic about the new year. About the potential it holds. About the challenges it brings. About the opportunities and possibilities and the It's A Wonderful Life moments.

There is such darkness in the world. I don't get political or relevant here very often -- this place is my escape, not my platform -- but my heart broke this morning, hearing about the fighting in the Gaza strip. Realizing how lucky I am to live in a part of the world where violence -- well, we have our own problems, don't we, but people aren't dropping rockets on us. That takes me pretty damn far on a daily basis, you know?

I've started feeling this way a few months ago, when I started going to church again regularly. I haven't talked about it, because it's so incredibly personal...and if you have anything mean or even just critical about that decision, you can take it somewhere the hell else for now, thanks kindly...but I'm glad. I'm making the right choices. And I'm very happy about them.

Feel free to remind me of this next year when I (yet again) fire November.