Lilac Knitting

All you people coming to visit...

2009-04-29T09:07:00.002-05:00

...thank you! It's nice to have new eyes.

Unfortunately, I have had one fight too many with blogger, and so I'm making a big move... to here: Violets and Lilacs.

There are a lot of reasons behind this move; some of them are explained at the new page, but I'll talk about it a little bit again.

I started this blog to talk about Knitting, with a capital K (like me!). I thought maybe I could be this awesome blogverse star, or something, I don't know. What I found, instead, was a way back into my heart and soul. Which, ya know, yay. :)

But this little blog, while it's wonderful, feels to small for me now, like a snake trying to stretch out of its skin.

So now, to a new home. that is still semi-under construction, so don't mind the banner that has nothing to do with me. I'm working on it.

Hope to see you over there.

Wedded Bliss

2009-04-24T08:36:00.007-05:00

I've been promising for awhile to post about the wedding. Even now, a month later, it's very difficult for me to remember the day. I explained it to someone as -- well -- when you're really living life, really truly living it (like the poets and the saints sometimes do), you tend not to remember it very well. My memories of the day are fractured. And stained glass. And perfect. And beautiful.

I woke up around 4am, and thought, I'm getting married today. I felt suffused with light. It was wonderful. Lucy was in bed with me, and she woke up when I did, confused because we weren't in our bed (we spent the night at my mom's with both my bridesmaids). I told her we weren't getting up just yet, so she yanked up my shirt and laid her head down on my belly, and went back to sleep for another hour. It was so peaceful, and such a wonderful way to start our day.

The morning remained fairly calm until we started getting close to "game time." Our friend Adam did our photographs (and if anyone in the Vermont area is looking for event photography, I CANNOT say enough good things about him), and arrived at the house around 8am.

The morning is very fuzzy in my mind. People were fussing with my hair, my makeup, and I was focusing on not morphing into some evil Bridezilla creature. The only real demand I recall making was informing anyone who was getting "emotional" that they could not be in the same room with me; I was having a hard time holding everything together.

I got into my dress at about 10:30am.

I have a very pretty sapphire ring that I call my "fancy engagement ring," but the ring that Robb gave me when he proposed is this garnet set in silver that we got at a local mall store that I adore. It's my real engagement ring. It completely did not match the dress, though. If you look very closely, you can see where we laced it into the corset back of the gown.

The ceremony was at the American Baptist church that Lucy and I have been attending regularly since just before Thanksgiving. It was -- wonderful. I remember very little of it, just the look on Robb's face as our eyes met, the strength in his hands when he took mine, the slight quaver in his voice when he said the words "My wedded wife." I remember thinking that if he broke down during his vows, there was no WAY I'd make it through mine.

If I remember correctly, right after we kissed, he looked at me and whispered "Hello, wife." And I said "Hi, husband."

And so begins our life together.

We did a few photos at the church, and then went down to the waterfront to get pictures on the lake. My entire life, I've seen wedding parties come down to the lake to get pictures; for the first time I was one of those couples. Wondrous.

As we were walking down the boardwalk, we bumped into ~~my pusher~~ fantastic local yarn store owner, Jill. She runs Kaleidoscope Yarns the ~~drug den of choice~~ best yarn store in town. I introduced her to Robb, who looked very bewildered until I explained who she was.

His response? "Hi. I hate you. But at least I know where my paycheck goes now."

It was good times.

The reception is especially blurry in my mind. We tried to talk to everyone, eat a bit of food, dance a bit. When everyone was gone, we gathered our friends together to play a Hold'Em tournament that Robb won in the wee hours of the morning.

It was the most amazing day. It has changed our relationship in ways that are both subtle and profound; we feel the same, and yet so different. It's exceedingly good.

I leave you with three things; the most amazing photo of Lucy I've ever seen:

My favorite "family" photo from the day -- all our local friends, doing what they do best.

Which is to say, being silly.

And then, a final word from my friend Jeremy, and what he read at the wedding:

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth for the other. Now you will feel no loneliness, for each will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

**Please note that all photographs are copyright Adam Silverman, 2009. They do not belong to me, and they may not be distributed without his permission. At all. Don't take them off this page without asking, or I will get nasty. :)**

Interruption

2009-04-23T06:44:00.002-05:00

this is not your normally scheduled broadcast. There is no knitting here today, no stories about my kid, no wedding pictures. We'll get back to all of that tomorrow.

Today, I wanted to tell you (you, here, being anyone who cares to visit my Little Corner) about this guy who hangs out at the local Starbucks. There's a much better local coffeeshop across the street from SB, but they don't take debit cards, and I never have cash anymore, so unless I'm actually carrying my checkbook, I stop in at Starbucks for my morning mocha.

There's a guy who is there almost every morning. He's old, and the light in his eyes -- he doesn't see quite the same world we all do. I've worked downtown long enough that I know him by sight, though I don't know his name, and I'd be surprised if he knew mine. But every morning when I go into Starbucks, he's sitting in this chair, studying the world. And smiling. I'm fairly sure he has somewhere to live, because he doesn't have that miasma that surrounds those who don't have the facilities to wash regularly, but he's not all there, you know.

And I try to smile back. Whatever's in my head, whatever's going on, I try to smile back. Because I'd like to believe it makes a difference, smiling at strangers. I try to smile at anyone, when I catch their eye. Mostly it freaks them out, and I'm sorry for that. But maybe if I keep doing it -- you know?

Anyway, this guy, I didn't think he thought anything of it. It's not like I thought I was changing his world by smiling, not really. But yesterday, I walked in, and he caught my eye, and we smiled -- and then he said "Thank you. I wait for your smile every morning."

I almost started to cry right on the spot.

Today, as I walked in, he gestured to me, and I walked closer to him, a little concerned to see what would happen next. Again, I've worked downtown a long time, I try to be caring but cautious. He said to me. "They're playing Amazing Grace, can you hear it?" And it took me a moment, because the overhead music was heavily orchestrated, and the melody was buried. But yes, I heard it. He said, "Everyone wants to talk about God, but no one wants to talk about mercy. Why is that?"

I had no answer for him.

So I'm asking for two things, if you've found yourself here today.

Smile at someone you don't know.

And forgive someone who doesn't necessarily deserve it.

Tomorrow, I'll see what I can do about dredging up some actually knitting content and some wedding photos.

It was the perfect day.

2009-03-29T12:16:00.001-05:00

Beautiful. Exquisite. Perfect. The wonderful celebration of two lives joining together.

There will be more, especially as the photos come in, but I just wanted to post quickly and say that there never has been a more wondrous day.

Don't give up on me just yet.

2009-03-17T07:38:00.000-05:00

I've been a busy, busy bee. Making wedding invitations, mailing them, knitting shawls...I should have pictures of the shawls up in the next week or so.

The big news today is that I'm moderately sure that poor Lucy has chicken pox! Much better now than needing the vaccination...but still! Waiting for a call back from the doctor to find out if they want to see her, or if they want me to keep her the hell away.

Don't give up...this space will be filled in ten days or so...

March 28th is just around the corner!

I've been quiet for a long time again...

2009-01-18T07:27:00.002-05:00

... sorry about that.

Planning a wedding is a pain in the butt, you know? And all the decisions that I kept saying "Oh, I'll decide after Christmas..." well, guess what!

I've only got one more shawl to knit for the wedding, though; B's is done and mine is done, so I just need to finish Melissa's. I finally found a pattern I love that reminds me of her (the beaded shawl in the Holiday VK, I'm took lazy and tired to take pictures) and it's going swimmingly, I think I might need to do extra repeats as the one thing that Melissa will object to is a small shawl, but I have about three times as much yarn as the pattern requires, so we're good there. Extra tube of beads, too. We'll play it by ear.

I'm ready for a heat wave, here in VT. Some 30 degree weather would suuuuuure be nice, mm-hm.

But the whole reason I wanted to write this was to say that I woke up this morning to the smells of fresh bread from the bread machine and warm chicken from the broth I am (attempting to) cooking down in the slow cooker. I want to wake up like this every morning.

Much love to you; I have a crying baby to go and hug.

The obligatory Wrapping Up The Year post

2008-12-31T10:21:00.002-05:00

Sorry that I've been silent since Lucy's birthday; it's been a crazywhirlwindsuperattackholidayseasonwahoo! little bit busy around here.

We survived Christmas with surprisingly little shrieking due to overstimulation. This was especially surprising when we went to Christmas at Dad and Mary Jane's, where there were six children under the age of four enjoying their presents in a (relatively) decorous manner. I mean, given that they are kids, and there was wrapping paper flying in all directions. Lucy made out like a bandit; she got tons of clothes and a few awesome new toys. Best toy? She got a keyboard that she.absolutely.loves. My little brother watched her pound on the keys for a little while -- she's figured out that different keys make different sounds, and will adjust her pounding according to what she wants to hear; she also knows how to make it play her a song so she can dance -- and then commented that he knew of someone else born on her birthday. That would be Beethoven.

Not saying she's a musical genius or anything; just a fun fact.

Looking back on 2008...well, a friend of mine sent me an email on my birthday (number 29, and for the first time, thankyouverymuch) and said pretty much "You've had an awesome year; you must be so proud. Good for you!" and it really made me take stock of everything that's gone on in the past 13 months.

What I said to my friend, I will say now to you. I really felt the solstice this year. I swear, I knew in my bones the moment the sun started to turn around and come back to us. I feel like I have been in a dark night of the soul for -- well, a lot of years, really. Depression hasn't been the right word, not exactly, but whatever it was, it peaked in the weeks and months after Lucy was born, and it didn't really start to lighten up until the past month or so. But that moment, on the solstice -- I felt that one. In my bones.

This is a much more articulate conversation in my brain, so I thank you for bearing with it while I try to sort it out on (digital) paper.

I feel lighter. For the first time in years, I am enthusiastic about the new year. About the potential it holds. About the challenges it brings. About the opportunities and possibilities and the It's A Wonderful Life moments.

There is such darkness in the world. I don't get political or relevant here very often -- this place is my escape, not my platform -- but my heart broke this morning, hearing about the fighting in the Gaza strip. Realizing how lucky I am to live in a part of the world where violence -- well, we have our own problems, don't we, but people aren't dropping rockets on us. That takes me pretty damn far on a daily basis, you know?

I've started feeling this way a few months ago, when I started going to church again regularly. I haven't talked about it, because it's so incredibly personal...and if you have anything mean or even just critical about that decision, you can take it somewhere the hell else for now, thanks kindly...but I'm glad. I'm making the right choices. And I'm very happy about them.

Feel free to remind me of this next year when I (yet again) fire November.

You look like a monkey...

2008-12-16T10:02:00.004-05:00

but you smell like a sweet little baby girl.

Today, a little more than a year and an hour ago, a star shone in the east -- well, no, not quite, a snowstorm rose up in the middle of the night, which meant that my stubborn daughter decided it was the perfect time to make a slightly more dramatic than strictly necessary entrance into the world. This has become the modus operandi of one little Miss Lucy Joy.

Someone said to me last weekend, as we celebrated Lucy's birthday, that we had named our girl perfectly. Lucy means "bringer of light," and that is absolutely what she does.

My response? "She's pretty cute. I think we'll keep her."
Which is my trademark New Englander way of saying "My entire life has been reshaped around this tiny bundle of high powered energy, and I'm not sure what I would do if she were not here with me."

I can't believe the pictures I see of the day she was born, where she fit under my chin, and her feet were barely at the bottom of my breasts. Where she looked dwarfed by my (suddenly monstrously large) breasts as she smacked me around to get what she wanted.

I've been very clear with a lot of people over the past year; motherhood is not this golden fog of wonderfulness. Those daydreams you have of curling up with the baby for a gentle snooze completely skip the part where you haven't showered in days, your house is a mess, and you're so exhausted that even when you have the chance, you can't sleep. The part where the baby hates your favorite song; even hearing Glowworm tinkle out "Rockabye Baby" reduces her to hysterical tears. It sounds sweet to hear stories about moms singing themselves hoarse because it's the only way to stop the baby screaming -- until it's you.

There's so much about my girl that is completely inscrutable. I've survived phases and spells and situations which have a cause I can only guess at. There were the two weeks where baths caused screaming so loud I stopped hearing sound and started hearing vibration. The past two weeks, where going to sleep is JUST NOT ALLOWED. The sudden desire to bite my left nipple -- but only the left one.
The complete and total love of music, and dancing, and mama's good cooking (smart move there, kiddo). The way she goes completely still and silent to listen to "Lucy's song," aka that Bach lullaby that's on every kid's mobile ever made. The way she slowly got back to trusting that she was safe in the bath, even though it meant that I once climbed in mostly clothed, because I couldn't conceive of making her wait and cry while I got undressed. Every time I think that I can't survive another second, she snuggles into me, or gives me this sweet, desperate look that says that I am her world, and she trusts me, and she knows I can help.

And yet, there's this way she has. She's growing up already, and I'm so proud of her. She crawls away from me all the time, goes around a corner, and then panics because she can't see me. Puts herself to sleep, then wakes up in a tizzy because we're gone. Falls asleep as soon as we walk back into her room.

She's precious. I adore her.
I think we'll keep her.

Is it Friday yet?

2008-12-05T08:49:00.003-05:00

Thank goodness.

Work is always nuts at the beginning of the month, and then it gets crazier after a holiday. I should have known that Monday and Tuesday were going to be oy-yoy-yoy. And they were.

I want to say a quick thanks to all the Canadians who've been so carefully explaining all the ins and outs of what's going on with the parliament; our local papers here are reporting everything in a very sensational style (shocking, I know), and I've enjoyed calming down my co-workers.

Finished the Cardigan for Merry, and I will try to set up a photo shoot this weekend, although the sweater came out much closer to 18 mo size than 12, so it's a bit too big for Lucy to be happy about; I may pack it up and call it a Christmas present. It's not like she'll know the difference, so we'll see. Cast on a sweater out of the blue Cashsoft DK that I have, and I'm loving how it's going...I'm thinking of using it as a canvas to learn needle felting or embroidery. We'll see how I feel by the time it's done.

I want to work on my grey aran sweater that I started to replace the sweater that Lucy hates because it's scratchy, but I keep getting distracted by knitting for other people (shocking, I know).

I have nothing else to report. :) There might be pictures on this blog again, someday. Until then...

November: Survived!

2008-12-01T22:16:00.002-05:00

Next up, December.

See, it's good for me; the writing this is finally starting to happen again after a five year dry spell (there were lot of reasons there, and we don't talk about them in polite company anymore to protect the innocent, okay, so just trust me that it was HELL and BAD and all things TERRIBLE), and I'm fascinated by the words I'm churning out on a daily basis. I wrote 33K words last month, which is more than I've written in the last THREE YEARS put together. I was talking to my friend J today about the story I'm working on, and how all the modern vampire stories have missed the point, because they are equating being consumed with being loved, and it's not the same, and maybe that's part of what this story is about, and I just love it, darlings, I LOVE it.

I've been knitting, too, almost done the Cardigan for Merry, which was annypurls adaptation of the Cardigan for Arwen from IK a few years back for her little boy; Lucy's version is pink (I know, I think I'm coming down with something), but as I've said a zillion times before, I have time to knit and write or take pictures of my knitting and blog about them, so the first is winning, especially since I've got an almost-12 month old to chase around all the darn time. She's cruising like crazy, and resisting all efforts by the grandparents to "teach" her to walk; try to stand her up, and she will sit down on her butt, hide her hands, and give you the most petulant look; she'll do it in her own time, thank you very much.

I swear, her first sentence will be "Mama, I do it."

Have I mentioned lately that I'm totally in love with this baby girl?

Someone asked me the other day how I felt about motherhood. When I got done laughing, I asked him if he wanted the truth, or the PC version. He asked for the truth. So here it goes.

I hate it. I hate not getting enough sleep, having no time to myself. I hate planning for three people when I just want a cup of coffee. I hate having to get up earlier so I can get me AND someone else ready before I go for work. I hate not being able to eat brownies for dinner because someone else needs a nutritious dinner. I hate being relied on, depended on, and knowing that my saying the word "no," can break someone's world, not because she wants to do whatever it is so badly, but because she is stressed that I look upset with her. I hate that because I let myself be convinced to "sneak out" yesterday, rather than saying good-bye when I knew it would upset her, and then got punished all night long because she was so afraid that I would disappear again.

I hate it, and yet I wouldn't trade it for anything; not all the knitting time in the universe, or all the sea silk in the Handmaiden Vaults.

Just now, I could hear her whimpering a bit in her room; I didn't even have to get all the way into the room before she started to settle down. As soon as she heard my voice, I saw her shoulders relax, heard the tension ease out of her tiny voice.

Being a mom; it's a pain in the ass, but it's as good as it fucking gets. Pardon the profanity, but -- it's just the way it is. :)

November? I'm watching you.

2008-11-19T23:03:00.002-05:00

In general, November likes to leave me in a corner, weeping gently. Being a child of divorced parents is particularly painful and frustrating at the holidays, and throwing biological AND adoptive families into the stew is more than enough -- add in a grandbaby, and it's just a headache. One big fat headache. Two years ago, I declared that November was fired. Clearly, the administration did not take my extreme frustration into account. This year, however, not shaping up to be much better.

I'm working on Nanowrimo, and have written 27k words, which is more than I've written in the past three years. While this is tremendously healing, it's also exhausting, and is bringing up a fair amount of emotional stuff that I thought was dealt with. I don't have time to knit, although I did get to hang out with the lovely Alison Hyde at Kaleidoscope last Friday; that was awesome.

I finished the ladybug sweater, I have pictures...one of these days, I'll have four minutes to post them (and deal with the BS necessary to post them on Blogger, sigh).

Until then...still not dead...

It is a blow to one's ego

2008-11-10T13:02:00.002-05:00

and one's status as the hippie-crunchie-granola-mom in the family when, despite months of feeding my daughter the best organic, local, healthy foods that I can find, it is becoming painfully clear that, if she could, she would exist on Kraft Macaroni & Cheese and ice cream. Someone please tell me that all children go through this phase? It doesn't help that she's impossibly cute as she begs for scraps. I mean, begs for food. I mean...

I'll tell you more about knitting when I'm not in insane WRITE 50000 WORDS BY 11/30 mode.

I aten't dead

2008-10-27T07:40:00.002-05:00

The past few weeks, man. Oy.

She's crawling. EVERYWHERE. Her new favorite game is "What does it sound like when this hits the floor? And what does this taste like? And what does it sound like when it hits the floor? And what does this taste like? And...ow I hit my head MAMAMAMA!!! No, don't hold me, I want to run around! No, don't put me down, I want to be cuddled. No, I want to be held and cuddled AND run around! I HATE BEING A BABY!!!"

I swear, I see it all in her eyes. Especially when we're around her older cousins, all five of whom are walking now. She watches them with this eager, anticipatory look, then chases after them on her hands and knees. Well, this weird feet-and-hands crawl that she's adapted from somewhere, causing the numerous head bonks as her butt is waaaaay up in the air and her face is looking down instead of ahead.

Meanwhile, I have zero time. Seriously, I'm very glad that this is my virtual living room, because my real living room looks like Hurricane Lucy hit it. Oh, wait, it did. Go figure. The center of the living room is covered with sewing stuff, from when I sewed Lucy's Halloween costume (pictures as soon as I download them) and the new blouse for my ren-faire gear (promptly smeared the white sleeve with grease, somehow, thanks VERY much). The coffee table is invisible beneath assorted knitting supplies and my macbook. The kitchen...well, after some work yesterday, the kitchen is relatively clean, because that's where clutter has a chance of turning into bugs and infestation. We don't want that.

Successes, because they're worth mentioning: cooked all weekend; made shepherd's pie and chili. I like cooking in winter much more than in summer. In summer, I could survive on crackers and hot pepper jelly.

The knitting deadlines are starting to pile up; I think Melissa's bridesmaid-shawl is going to have to be put off until after Christmas, because I want to knit a box of food for the kids to have at Grammy & Poppy's house for their play-kitchen. I thought I might sew some big squares of brightly colored silks for their play room too. And some for Lucy as well. A recent scare in regards to her lead levels (they're not properly elevated, just on the borderline; my gut instinct as I've been investigating is that it's an old exposure, and is now resolving itself, but it's still stressful) has me wanting to clean out the whole world, ya know?

I am sitting directly under a florescent light, which is bad for my world. I need to get one of those gooseneck lamps we all had in college and equip it with a full spectrum bulb.

And I'm very, very tired.

But other than that, life is still good here. Expect a picture heavy post sometime this week. :)

Chatty Cathy

2008-10-15T07:24:00.003-05:00

That's me, blethering up a storm. Or not. Shoosh. Look that way.

I'm sorry, I started watching Lost, and it is eating my brain...I called a good friend on Monday afternoon, and said "If I go home with Lucy, I'm going to watch another four hours of Lost. It's not that I don't want to watch another four hours of Lost, but I don't think I should."

In exciting news, though, my wedding shawl has started it's tenth and final full repeat. (I'm making this shawl (ravelry link), only with beads in place of the nups) After this last repeat, I still have another half repeat, and then it's knit edging on almost 400 stitches, ugh. And a quick game of "do I have enough beads to add some to the edging?" And then I will be done with two of the three wedding shawls I need to knit.

The DIY aspect of this wedding is starting to ramp up...I'm going to make my cake topper, favors, the bridesmaids' gifts (hence all the shawl knitting)... probably a shrug for Lucy, probably out of left-over zephyr... I want to put together a wedding scrapbook instead of a signature book, so that people get a scrapbook page and they can write things, paste in things, so forth...I think that will be much more awesome than just a list of the people in attendance that I'll never look at...I have to find cake-cutting utensils...win my argument to get married barefoot (why pay for shoes when I'll be trying to sneak out of them asap anyway? I already made mom pay for a tiara...)...

My brain is scattered. :)

Sounds like a good time to rewrite a pattern to fit the gauge I'm getting, don't you think?

October, take two!

2008-10-13T07:48:00.003-05:00

Well.

The beginning of this month was kind of a wash.

I don't know if this wretched stomach flu is hitting other areas as hard as it is ours, but with Robb, Lucy, and I, all laid low in rapid succession last week...October needs a do-over.

Just before my near-death-experience, I bought a set of blocking wires -- I actually found that the ones that my LYS sells were cheaper than going to the hardware store and getting good enough wire that it wouldn't rust and discolor the yarn. But then I was too sick to experiment. Sad!

Also, no writing all week. Although I did sit down and churn out 500 words this morning. Hooray!

Other than that...not much to report. Life is good. :)

I got tagged!!!

2008-10-03T09:25:00.002-05:00

So, first of all, it was the lovely Karin who did the honors.

The game works like this:

1) Link to the person who tagged you

2) Mention the rules

3) Tell six quirky yet boring, unspectacular details about yourself

4) Tag six other bloggers by linking to them

5) Go to each person’s blog and leave a comment that lets them know they’ve been tagged

Random details about me:

1.) I am a high-fiver. I am an avid high fiver. I taught my daughter how to "give five," and her daddy LOVES to get her give him high five. Lucy will also be a high fiver, I can tell, because when you tell her to "give you five," she breaks into this awesome, huge, gigantic grin. It's on video here. I have used the phrase "Don't leave me hangin'," and I have not been ashamed.

2.) I really like finishing work when knitting, but I put it off as long as humanly possible. I have a PILE of things that will be perfect...when they're finished. I have a sweater that has just needed a tiny bit of sewing for SIX YEARS...and I haven't brought myself to finish it yet.

3.) I hate math. I use Robb as my human calculator. As such, he knows random knitting terms like "gauge" and "stitch count."

4.) I really HATE it when people say to me, "Don't you love being a mother?" It's an inane question that I hate answering. What am I going to say, "I hate it?" Stupid. I hate stupid questions.

5.) I hardly ever get tagged for memes, and was so unreasonably excited when I got the note from Karin that she'd tagged me that I might have jumped up and down a bit in my chair.

So, who would like to do this next? I nominate...

um, I'm all shy all of a sudden. I nominate YOU if you want to do this. :)

Despite...

2008-09-30T10:22:00.002-05:00

Despite Mercury retrograde...
despite the collapse of the financial markets...
despite the sense of impending doom coming from every corner...
despite the stronger and stronger pushes from various places and worlds begging me to cast free of these anchors and set sail on a sea of uncertainty...
despite a suddenly obvious flare for the dramatic...

I'm having a really good week.

Someone needed to say it, and with all the doom and gloom everywhere on the horizon, I thought I might be the only one.

So, go me!

Confessions

2008-09-26T09:16:00.002-05:00

I haven't knitted a stitch this week. Not-a-one. My new Macbook and iPod were retrieved from very friendly UPS staff on Monday, and since then? None at all. I've been playing Spore and updated files and -- most excitingly -- writing.

That's write. Right. Hehe. :) Writing stories. From my braiiiiin. Onto (digital) paper. Stories that could possibly be sold to the highest bidder, traded for food on our table and electricity in our house, and so forth. Can you imagine it? To me, it's almost the highest form of shenanigans -- the highest being acting in all its forms. All the arts, really, though -- "You mean, if I do this thing that keeps me from just losing my mind and going COMPLETELY insane, you're going to pay me for it?"(laugh)"REALLY?"

I'm all blissed out on word fumes.

Has it really been that long?

2008-09-22T21:38:00.001-05:00

I'm so sorry! I had no idea I'd skipped out on you guys for such a long time! The outreach lists were huge, the call volumes were ridiculous, the baby was growing...the knitting didn't happen very much anyway. I've gotten 5 pattern repeats done on my wedding shawl. There, you're up to date.

The exciting thing right now is that I'm typing this on my very own brand new Macbook. Ooooo. I know; I know. I'm crazy excited, too. It's beautiful, and it feels like something that should be in a science fiction movie, but it's mine, and I can type on the couch. I'm hoping that writing will start getting in the way of my knitting time, you know?

Here's wishing.

Love to you all, talk to you soon.

Sleeping is for birds.

2008-09-08T12:01:00.003-05:00

All last week, I got between 3 and 5 hours of sleep a night, for no real reason except I couldn't be bothered going to bed.

Last night, I actually got some sleep. Today, I can't get out of my own way.

Sheep & Wool festival this weekend; lovely day, lovely pretties, and very impressed with myself for staying inside of the budget Robb and I agreed on. Even more exciting, I found a spot in the living room where my spinning wheel can live and not be in the way, since there's a direct correlation between how much of my spinning wheel I can see, and how often I spin.

I'm impressed with both myself, and the high speed kit for the Kiwi; I'm spinning soft, fine singles, that should make fantastic two ply yarn, maybe DK weight. Pictures when the sun cooperates/I remember.

B, your shawl is done, I just need to block it. Which means I need blocking wires. Which are temporarily out of my price range. (i.e. I spent the money I meant to spend on blocking wires on alpaca fiber. Sorry. :( ) You will love it.

Sleepy. Nothing else to report.

Thank God I was pregnant last year

2008-09-03T21:21:00.003-05:00

because I'm actually following the election this year, and there's no way little Lucy would have survived my blood pressure fluctuations.

I hate politics. I hate politicians. I hate the way modern politics has gone, where the bulk of the population doesn't bother to vote, and a good bunch of the people who do vote vote for the guy they "trust," or who had the flashier ads on TV. People don't watch or listen to the debates, people don't learn about the issues, and they so often vote based on just one issue -- and it makes me nuts.

I'm trying to stay balanced, even if my vote was decided last year. Last week, I listened to the DNC, I was inspired. This week, I'm trying -- I'm really trying -- to listen to the RNC (that's Republican National Convention, for Shannon :) ), and my blood pressure...let's just say that I had to put down the lace.

Put aside your positions on the issues for just a second. When I listened to the DNC, I heard "John McCain is going to do this...Barack Obama is going to do this. John Mccain will do X...Barack Obama will do y." There were positions discussed, practical explanations of how things were going to happen.

When I listen to Rudy Guliani talk, all I'm hearing is "How dare that Barack guy go to an Ivy League school? And how come he talks so good? And how can he think he can run anything, when he's not experienced? Yeah? Huh? And we're going to put nuclear power plants on every corner, and don't you ask about how long it's going to take to get them built, or where we'll get the uranium to run the plants, or what we're going to do with it when it's done!"

I'm dealing with this to listen to Sarah Palin, because I am nervous about her, and I want to hear what she has to say.

I note that NPR didn't tell me what Sarah Palin was wearing tonight, something they felt it necessary to tell me about when Hillary stood up for Barack Obama.

Erg. Just erg.

Shan, seriously, if John Mccain wins this election, I'm moving my family next door to you.

Sorry for the random political intrusion into this normally calm knitting/motherhood/general work blog. I'm just...frustrated.

S.L.O.W. D.O.W.N.

2008-08-29T08:37:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, I looked up after what felt like 15 minutes at work, and it was lunch time.

Today, I swear I've been here for half of my life time, and it's not even time for my first break.

I broke out my book, but I'm way too lazy to read right now.

Ugh.

Lots of knitting done this week, though few photo ops. I've been listening to the DNC and all the speechifying, which is a great combination with a lace shawl that has reached the unendingly boring part.

I have nothing exciting to report, just didn't want anyone to think I'd fallen off a cliff.

Hugs and love and suchlike all around.

One with pictures!!!

2008-08-23T16:44:00.004-05:00

I know, can you believe it?

It's been a busy couple of weeks here, with a sick baby followed by a sick Mama and Dada, followed by a disgusting infected toe (mine) that I didn't even injure doing anything cool like, I don't know, rockgliding? Nope, ingrown toenail. Don't worry, I didn't take a picture of it.

But because of the gross toe, I had to get antibiotics, which has affected the taste of my milk, which has caused -- well, not a nursing strike, but a grouchy kid, let me say that much. She's not nursing much at all, and the only thing that's sustaining me is the certain knowledge that healthy babies don't starve themselves. She's not dehydrated, and she is nursing some...she's just pissy.

I think I'm going to have to start drinking that disgusting tea again.

She's crawling like a demon now. Army crawling, with occasional moments of cross-crawling...for a step or two, before she crashes onto her chin and screams. Currently, she has made her way into the kitchen, and discovered that the cat's food bowl makes a very interesting sound when you smack it on the linoleum. And, it pushes nicely on the carpet. My kid? Too clever.

But don't worry, I know what you're really here for.

Some of these are still "some assembly required," and they're all too big, so these are just knitting shots; I'll provide some modeling as soon as it's reasonable.

The Dale Ladybug Sweater, finally done except for some adorable Ladybug buttons that need to be sewn onto the shoulder.

The Berrocco Pure Merino Nuance sweater.

The Berrocco Love It! Colors sweater.

The Waves in Square Shawl (Sivia Harding) is knit, and just needs blocking.

And then, finally, the green, beaded hat.

I know, I can't believe I did it either. And B, I poked all the beads over to the right side. Just for you. :)

By the way, I took a ton of pictures of Lucy in that hat; you can see the rest of them here.

Enjoy!

Thank you

2008-08-17T21:45:00.002-05:00

to everyone who asked if Lucy was feeling better. She is; now Robb and I are sick. Ugh.

More soon.

I'd forgotten what spit up tastes like.

2008-08-13T23:55:00.002-05:00

Today, however, I got a plentiful reminder. Ugh. Little Bug has her first cold (what a wonderful first, right), and she is miserable beyond belief. I can't figure out what I hate more, the all-out crying, screaming, oh-my-god-why shrieks of pain, anger, and frustration, or the quiet, soft moments, when she cuddles into me and then looks up with these eyes that say "Mama, why can't you fix it?"

Finally got her to sleep around 9pm -- which is great -- and I celebrated by finishing the last sleeve on the Ladybug sweater -- you've been around a long time if you remember that one! -- and steeking the armholes before I lost my courage. I did f up one little corner, but not so badly I couldn't fix it. Go me.

Pictures. Eventually.

Meantime, taking on more responsibilities at work means that I will be better compensated on my quarterly bonus, but significantly cuts into my internet time.

There will be balance again. Eventually.

Cute hats, cute pictures, cute babies...

2008-08-05T07:49:00.002-05:00

...but no time to upload.

Lucy's little green Tili Thomas hat is finito. I tried to get a pic for you, but Lucy is currently of the opinion that the only thing worth having is something worth eating, so no dice yet. I'll keep working on it.

The top of the little hat got interesting. If you remember the original (and I totally tripped out trying to find this picture, because I absolutely DO NOT BELIEVE that Lucy was ever that small), you might remember the cutesy little thingies on the top of the hat. Little loopy guys.

I originally bought the pattern (it's a Tili Thomas pattern) for the little loopy guys. I know how to knit a hat, after all. It's simple. Measure baby head. Measure gauge. Multiply. Knit. Even I can do that. But the little loopy guys. I wanted my loopy guys to be like the shop-hat's loopy guys. So I bought the pattern.

Come to knit Beaded Hat #2, Electric Boogaloo version...and find out that I've "misplaced" or "lost" or "sent into a time/space warp" the pattern.

And I thought about buying another copy of the pattern, for the loopy guys.

I winged it. Wung it. Whatever.

I'll provide photographic evidence tomorrow, if I can get the kid to keep her hat on long enough.

The crying jags have eased off; the top tooth is nearly through, and the generous administration of Hyland's Teething Tablets has restored this family's sleep. In general, I'm not a fan of medicating kids -- I hate hearing about how my 3 month old nephew was on prilosec, my cousin was on ADD meds, this one's on this, that one's on that...there simply isn't enough research done on these medicines in adult bodies before they're used, it REALLY isn't appropriate to use them in kids if you don't have to...

But they let her sleep. And it doesn't seem like an unnatural sleep, the kind of passed-out kid I get when I've rarely given her tylenol (mostly after she gets shots). It just seems to ease her out, relax her a bit, so she can go to sleep herself.

I really do love that kid like crazy, you know?

And so here's the big debate of today. I really really want to knit stoles for both of my bridesmaids. I started with scarves, because the wedding was going to be in May (don't ask me why that makes sense, because I don't know). Now that it's going to be March, I really want to knit Swan Lake for B and Hanami for Melissa.

Am I a total nutter, wanting to knit two lace stoles in the next eight months?

Poor Little Bug.

2008-08-01T10:21:00.002-05:00

Miss Lucy has been having the most awful week; she's not napping well with Grandma Donna, so it's hard to put her down in the evening, since she's so overtired (massages and baths help, but it's still a half hour process, more when you figure that I nearly always fall asleep for a little while with her). But the last week or so, most night (say, 5 out of 7?) she wakes up at 11pm, practically on the dot, and fusses and cries and generally throws herself about with distress. I'm pretty sure she's getting her top two teeth in, based on her absolute and determined refusal to let anything into her mouth that isn't controlled by her -- and no, I have no further scientific method, why do you ask? -- but last night. Oy, last night.

She went down a little earlier and a little easier, and I only slept 20 minutes or so before stumbling out to the living room to try and be an adult for an hour or two before bedtime. And then at 10pm, or just after, there was full throated screaming coming from the bedroom. There was no warm up, no "Hey, Mama, I'm getting pissy!" engine reving, just a complete and total FREAKOUT.

I pretty much bolted into the bedroom, convinced that she had somehow crawled out of the bed and broken something, but no, she was still exactly where I'd left her, and her eyes were even still closed. But she was screaming, and she was quivering with tension, poor thing. Normally I can stroke her and cuddle her back to sleep, but last night I had to pick her up and rock her for quite a while, and then nurse her back to sleep.

I've got no idea what's going on. All the parents I talk to assure me that this is all normal, kids go through this, it's probably just that she's teething, and so forth. All of that makes sense to me, but it doesn't stop my worry that maybe something's wrong, you know?

In knitting news, I'm almost done the second gumdrop sock (well, almost is strong, I just turned the heel on the second sock, how's that?) and for a quick knit to soothe my nerves, I'm knitting a new hat for Lu for this winter, out of the same Tili Thomas beaded yarn I used last year. What, I loved the hat.

But because I'm growing as a person, can you guess what color it is?

That's right.

Green.

What I did on my...the opposite of summer vacation.

2008-07-30T08:59:00.002-05:00

So, there's a lovely lady here at work who is fit-to-burst with baby boy. I'm 99% sure that no one here knows I blog, so I'm comfortable saying that this is what I made her:

This incredibly oversaturated photo was taken in the wee hours of the morning, after I realized that I really ought to weave in the ends before giving this as a gift. Two strands of Baby Ull held together. Really, both ends of each ball. But still! I'm super impressive. And do you want to know why?

I made up the pattern. Out of my very own head.

I was going to get Lucy to pose, but it was seriously past her bedtime, and I didn't want to wake her up if I could help it.

However, since I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, and then realized that our secret super surprise for the lady at work isn't until TOMORROW (sigh) I'll get another chance tomorrow.

I want one of these for Lu now, maybe in pink and green? Am I totally weird? You can tell me if I am...But be gentle.

And, because I know you're all busy bodies and want to see:

Actual knitting accomplished!

2008-07-29T07:35:00.003-05:00

Lucy and I had the most wonderful weekend. After two weeks of teething hell, she was a calm, cheerful, happy baby. I got to spend my weekend knitting and ready and playing with a happy baby, instead of frantically trying to calm a teething tornado. Ah, bliss.

What, pictures? Why would you think that?

Okay, actually, there are a few, but you have to go here to look at them. Let me know if it works. They should be visible to the public now; that means you. There are adorable videos there now. Hooray. :)

No, really, I did take pictures actually. Although we can all note that this morning, my grasp of the Queen's English, she is-a not so good. Bear with me, please. No sleep + much coffee = weird me.

This little sweater is from an Ann Norling leaflet, and it's knit from Berocco Love It! Colors. I have completely accidentally fixed the one issue that I had with the shop sample I fell in love with -- the colors didn't match on the two fronts at the shop, and for some reason it really bugged me. Normally, I like that. Well, I don't know what I did differently, but the colors on these two fronts line up in an almost eerily perfect way.

There has been progress since this picture; the knitting was finished, the edging was knit. I need to seam and add buttons.

This is the newest pattern from Blue Moon Fiber Art's Socks That Rock Sock Club. I've been in the club since the beginning, and I love it. It's funny, on the Rav board, there's been a lot of hubbub this year about every single colorway, with some people hating it, and other people saying that they're stupid. Maybe this has been throughout the history of the club and I just didn't notice, I don't know. It seems like people have gotten a bit more intense this time, expressing frustration at the "pastel" nature of the colorway (it doesn't read that way to me, but I'm commonly acknowledged to be strange), and at it's multi-colored-ness. Why you would sign up for a sock club with a company like BMFA and not want multi yarns is beyond me...it's what Tina's amazing at, so it's kind of like ... it's like wanting to be a fan of David Ortiz because of his fielding. You can do it, I guess, but it doesn't make much sense.

Anyway.

There has also been progress on these since Sunday. Sock #1 is finished, sock #2 should hit the heel turn on the way home. Excited!

I finished the last pair of BMFA socks before starting the new ones. Go me!

On the needles (frantically knitting), a hat for a work-baby-shower tomorrow. I was going to do a plain hat with a very masculine pompom, but then the blue Baby ULL and the yellow Baby ULL were right next to each other, and they said let us play! and then I did. At least I had the sense to double them up so that I'm not knitting fingering weight hats for people I only just met. Don't get me wrong, this lady is very cool or I wouldn't bother at all...but I did only just meet her.

Add to that the part where I'm kind of reinventing fair isle patterns from memory, because I can...

Yeah, I'd better get back to work. And by work, I mean knitting. :)

Inner Strength

2008-07-23T08:03:00.003-05:00

It's the only reason I'm awake today.

The second tooth on the bottom front FINALLY cut through yesterday, meaning that my baby finally got some damn sleep. Thank GOD. I'm sorry for the excessive use of capitals, but TRULY. Still, as Robb and I try to keep the stress of life from translating through to our relationship, I got very little sleep last night, and what I got didn't feel very restful; I think I'm going to go to bed when Lucy does tonight, especially since Robb won't get home until near 11pm.

Last night, I was up late knitting a sweater, watching Gilmore Girls, and scrubbing a pan of burned-on spaghetti sauce. Fascinating evening. I'm kinda entertained by this sweater (no, I didn't take pictures, why would you ask me such a silly question??), designed by Ann Norling, and knit by little ole me out of Love It Colors; I loved the sample knit up in the shop, but it kind of bugged me that the color repeats were out of sync. I don't know why, as I'm not normally a matchy-matchy girl. Which, incidentally, completely stressed out my bridesmaids on Saturday. It was hysterically fun; I never thought I'd have to get all Bridezilla to convince them to get the dresses they actually wanted.

Anyway, I don't know what I did differently, but my sweater is a perfect line-for-line match on both fronts. It's lovely.

Of course, to pay me back, I'm getting the wrong gauge with the Lamb's Pride on the adorable skater-top. I think this sweater is going to need to be redesigned to fit. Sigh. It's cute enough to be worth it.

All in all, I'm a tired camper, but a happy camper. Life is feeling a little more bearable this week; money woes aren't gone, but they feel manageable. I can draw the obvious conclusion as to why this is, if you want to draw it too, that's fine, but do me a favor and don't say it yet, because it feels too new, too fresh to be bandied about without sounding like some sort of revivalist convert. I'm too New England for that.

More to come when I've slept. Hoorah!

200th post! ZOMG.

2008-07-21T07:36:00.002-05:00

I didn't even think of it, until I went to blogger and realized I had previously written 199 posts.

Oh. Gee. Look at that.

Of course, that doesn't take into account my old blog on Livejournal, but no one read that anyway, so never you mind your wonderful head about it.

Anyway.

Hi! It's my 200th post, apparently. I wish I had pictures. Maybe I'll add some later, when I get home.

This was a fun and crazy weekend; B flew in from DC so that she and Melissa and I could all go bridesmaid dress shopping. The girls found great dresses that are similar enough that it won't look weird, and different enough that both of them look really beautiful. I'm also pleased to report that the world did not explode with my two best friends in the same room, which is fantastic, as I was a little...concerned.

Of course, Lucy had to put the final seal of approval on the dresses, which she did with happy gurgles. The sight of Mama in a veil and tiara apparently was too much, though, and the poor munchkin was reduced to tears and howls. I hope she was just hungry. :)

Before that, though, B and I had gone out for breakfast, and then to Kaleidoscope. I had mourned, in my current financial state, the inability to re-wardrobe my daughter for fall, and she's grown out of almost all of her handmade sweaters. B took on the challenge. We got alpaca-silk from Blue Sky Alpacas, Love It in one of their long-repeat colors, some Pure Merino Nuance, some Lamb's Pride Worsted, some Tili Thomas beaded for a new version of last year's awesome blue hat. The baby will continue to be well dressed. Very exciting.

Sunday morning, Lucy and I went to church with Grandpa Frank so we could hear him sing. I wasn't sure how well she'd do -- she's not exactly in a sitting still phase, and with her second tooth cutting through right next to the first one, her mood has been slightly less sunny, though I think only the most trained observer would notice, given her propensity for smiling at strangers -- but I was actually very impressed. I think she definitely enjoyed the first parts of the worship, the music and the call-and-response, but the message was too much for her. I listened to some of it from the back of the sanctuary, where I could rock her and walk her to keep her calm, but when even that wore through her patience, I took her down to the nursery, where she could bobble and talk, and I could still hear the message.

There was more I was going to say, but then the phones went nuts, and now I've forgotten. The downside of blogging from work.

Much love to you and yours.

Public Service Announcement

2008-07-09T18:35:00.002-05:00

The baby is teething.

The fact that all of us have survived the last three days is mainly due to the development of Infant Tylenol.

Before I had a baby, I said there was nothing worse than mothers who drugged their children so that the kids would sleep and poor little mommy could get some time on her own.

Shows what I know.

It is, in fact, a self-defense technique. Because if you strangle the child, who is crying (truly through no fault of their own, but when they're making that sound I swear you don't know that) and crying and crying and wearing doesn't help and nursing doesn't help and thumb sucking doesn't help (because as soon as she drifts off enough to be careful, her thumb bumps the sore spot, and then the screaming starts again), if you strangle the child, you'll be sent to jail, and no one wants that.

Note: I'm trying to be funny. If it's not coming off that way, please blame extreme exhaustion. One sharp little corner of the tooth in question has already poked through -- any chance that means there's an end in sight? And I've already tried washclothes and cold teethers, she will have nothing to do with them.

In which there is practically no knitting.

2008-07-07T18:17:00.002-05:00

Because what I've (mostly) been knitting is plain socks, and I just don't think you're going to care so much. Plain, DK weight socks. Yawn. I got really excitable and kept the ribbing going all the way down the leg -- but only the back of the leg. Yeah, see? Not exciting.

But look at this:

And this one:

That little yellow blur? That's a summer squash. It now has a buddy, and a likely looking bud on its other side.

And can you believe it?

There are already two baby chili peppers on the plants, and the bells and the chilis are COVERED in buds.

Norma, if I ever meet you in person, I'm going to hug you.

Someone want to tell me what I need to do with the chilis throughout the summer so that I can make hot pepper jelly in the fall?

Snatching a moment.

2008-07-02T08:39:00.002-05:00

Sneaking in to say hello during a 5 minute break.

Training proceeds, no worries. I will very much enjoy the new tasks, and I'm excited for them.

Last night was rough, for some reason; Lucy went to bed with no-muss-no-fuss, and I turned in a couple hours later. It was all very fuzzy in my brain, as I was VERY tired from teflon-brain induced by too-much-learning-about-pharmacy-programs.

I woke up a few hours after I'd gone to bed; some part of my brain thought Lu might be hungry, but she was sound asleep and totally at peace. And it occurred to me that she didn't need me nearby to sleep. I was proud/sad/lonely all at once. I expect that feeling will occur often as the days pass and my little girl grows.

College is practically right around the corner.

Much love to you all.

Monday is fired.

2008-06-30T11:56:00.002-05:00

You hear that, Monday?? Take that! You and your forgetting-stuff-at-home, busy-phones, stressed-out nonsense; I'm done with you! haHA!

In other news, I keep reading everywhere how the knitblog is dying, the knitblog is on its way out, beat our chests and rend our skin, the knitblog, o the knitblog.

Dudes. Seriously.

Perhaps I'm jaded or overtired or something, but it's just not that big of a deal to me. It feels like the blogs I read -- are distilled, somehow. Pared down. In a good way. Of course, since I started working, pictures have become something that happened to Other Blogs, so perhaps my perspective is skewed.

But then, I didn't get into blogging for the knitting. I always had the knittalk list for that, and when I got my camera, I was going to show off pictures, sure, and that was fun...but rapidly, what I liked more was the stories. The friendships. The people I keep in touch with that I would never keep in touch with -- much less meet! -- if it weren't for the internet. I know that there are those of you who wander over regularly to find out what Lucy's up to, what I'm mad at today, and, oh yeah, if I'm knitting anything. I mean, sure, it started all about projects, but woman cannot knit sock yarn alone, or something similar.

Really. I started reading blogs because of the Yarn Harlot, and I started blogging because I wanted to be Cool Like Her. But what makes Stephanie cool? Is it that she was The First (I have no idea if she was, I'm just saying). Is it that she knits like a demon when the force is with her? Or is it her take on life, her turn of phrase, her way of making you fall off your chair laughing?

Every time I go to the yarn store, Robb asks if I'm going to have a yarn accident. You know, where you fall down in the yarn store, and swipe your credit card on the way by? That's because of her.

Not because she knit the (admittedly beautiful) snowdrop shawl.

Because of her I realized that women still breastfeed, that women still have natural births, that there is recourse to other options than the one shown on TBS's A Baby Story. I could care about what she's knitting, but I want to hear about her children, her life, her friends, I want to hear about the singular way she sees the world, because it makes me want to be more like her. A crunchy, hippie mama in birkies with the courage to take on all the Muggles in the world.

The knitblog isn't dying. The knitblog is becoming mainstream -- which means that it's big enough to take in everything. Knitters who get distracted by gardens and babies and whatever else life throws at us.

Because we are all knitters. And just because that's what we started talking about -- we can diversify.

***

Saturday was for cuddles this weekend, cuz Mama had a fuckup. Lynne, if you read this, I'm not telling my mother because I will NEVER hear the end of it, and no one was endangered, so really, we're just letting it lie. But I'm writing it down here because I need to know that other moms have had oopses too, and to be told that I'm not a horrible mom, so please feel free to indicate this down where there's the little comment box, 'kay? You know what to do.

This weekend, we went over to Dad's almost all day for his birthday party -- Poppy turned 60 this year, and Lucy, Robb, and I went to help him celebrate in style. It was a grand time; and there were a lot of kids needing naps -- somewhere in the chaos of getting one kid up and another kid down, the monitor for the room that Lucy was in got turned off. I put her down at 6, sure that she was drifting off to sleep -- 45 minutes later, I was shocked that she was asleep, she never sleeps long if we're away from home. I decided to go upstairs and check on her -- and as soon as I got outside the door to the room (which someone had closed, to "protect" her from the noise), I could hear her screaming her head off.

I don't know how long the poor little bean was crying in there, all on her own, thinking that mama had forsaken her. I'm guessing somewhere between 15 minutes to half an hour. She'd thrown up all over herself, the pack-n-play, her blankie, her sweater. She had puke in her hair, down her front, down her back. And what really broke my heart was that as soon as I opened that door and got inside her view, she stopped crying and held out her arms. She'd just been waiting for me.

I brought her downstairs, all messy and awful and got her cleaned up while she cuddled as close as she could get. A couple people tried to suggest that I should put her down to clean her up so I didn't get messy (fucking idiots); I ignored them while I got her not-so-yucky, and then nursed her, right there in the middle of the public view. I had one aunt look like maybe she'd say something, and another aunt just kinda got in the way and started talking about the intermittent rain. Go Aunt Rachel!

The rest of the weekend was fine. I knit one entire sock out of some LL Shepherd Worsted in Jeans that's been hanging around for a VERY long time, and got all the way down to the heel of sock #2. My house is still full of moths, but I can't find any yarn that they're munching...could it just be eggs that were laid in the carpet that are hatching?

Very bizarre.

One of those weeks.

2008-06-27T11:50:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I've even touched knitting needles since this weekend.

It's been a hectic few days emotionally, personally, workally, homelifeally...just all around. Rough. Busy.

Sleep schedule? Gone.

Laundry? Not done.

Cleaning? I laugh at you. I laugh hard.

This week, I have run around like a chicken with my head cut off, taking care of sick Robb, potentially sick Lucy (it's so hard to tell when she can't tell me where it hurts. Is she sick, or just the crankiest baby ever? Actually, that's never been true, a 10-minute crying jag is a REALLY long time for her, so I don't mean to complain), trying to ensure that both Lu and I have health insurance next month (and Robb will, for the first time since we've gotten together!) Next week, I go to training for the next level of my job. That will be fun, and possibly a knitting extravaganza. But if you don't hear from me, that's why.

I have no pictures of knitting to show you, but if you wanna see pics of Lucy -- check here. Part of Phanfare's new app is letting people see pictures without signing up. Hooray! Take a look. :)

Until then -- I just wanna nap.

In which Fate bites me in the heiny.

2008-06-23T07:44:00.002-05:00

This Saturday past, Lucy and I decided to get off our butts and go for a nice walk. Well, I decided, and Lucy got to come along, because she's not allowed to stay home by herself yet. Not till she's at least two. (I'm kidding, call off the hounds).

It was a really wonderful walk; sunny and warm, but the sun was in the right way to keep it off the PaleRedheadedGirl, and there was shade at just the right intervals.

We went to the library, where we returned the extremely overdue novel by someone Harris that I couldn't read past the first page, and the less overdue Duma Key by Stephen King (loved that book, truly did, keep meaning to write a review, but it's just not in my brain of late). We then (of course) continued on to the lovely LYS so that everyone could tell Lucy how adorable she is (I keep telling Robb we need another child, just so that Lucy won't get spoiled completely rotten). I bought the new Norah Gaughan pattern book, and controlled myself admirably -- which is to say that I did not spend $150 on yarn that I can't afford, when I know that if I just wait out the cotton season, the DK room will once again fill with more affordable, workhorse yarns for winter. I did, however, succumb to one of these.

When Lucy and I got home (I'm sure I could think of something picturesque to say about this weekend if I tried, but too much Buffy this weekend has made it unlikely), I thought to myself, "Self, we should really finish something before we cast on for those Flat Feet socks."

I'd like to pretend that I had a long, internal monologue where I weighed the options one against the other, and finally lost the war, but struggled valiently, and got credit for trying. But really, I thought the above, and the internal response was:

"Who are you kidding? Grab the size 1s!"

So I knit all Saturday and most of Sunday, between bouts of Lucy cuddling. I did finish the final sleeve of her new sweater (one of these days I'll post pictures again, I swear). I thought about seaming and finishing it. I thought about finding the sewing needles.

I didn't do it.

So it was totally my own fault that the sock I spent two days knitting, and was halfway down the foot -- gauge was totally on, but WAY too small for my foot. And when I'd fiddled enough to make it fit, I then skipped the "Row 2 and all other even numbered rows" direction. For the next twelve rows.

Oops.

Ribbit, ribbit.

Blushing over here, already.

2008-06-19T07:11:00.002-05:00

Thank you to everyone who had such nice things about my (essay? piece of quasi-fiction? mini-memoir?) yesterday. All through that day, I found myself wanting to share it, and wishing I had my camera. And then, Tuesday, regretting that I didn't have my camera so that I couldn't share that day with all of you.

And then I realized that I've come to rely too heavily on that damn camera. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I have it...but I started this blog because I love words, and I want to share the words in my head and my heart. I don't need a camera for that.

Maybe my writer's heart is finally healing from all that shit I went through three years ago. That would be nice.

Actually, I've been obsessed with writing lately (surprise!). This is actually what got me thinking -- I've been wanting to write children's books (nothing new there) but particularly picture books (very new!), and I'd like to somehow write picture books that would show a style of parenting more like what I'm doing instead of what a child sees in most picture books; something that would reflect the life that (I hope) she will have growing up. A world of breastfed babies and toddlers, a world with slings and wraps instead of strollers, a world where Mama makes baby food instead of buying it off a shelf in the store. But I don't know how to include that sort of thing in a story without being didactic, without being the illustrator and -- uh -- I can't draw. Not to save my life.

But the ideas I'm being drawn to -- a photoproject of breastfeeding mothers. Who aren't just breastfeeding newborns. A project that says that boobs aren't just for sex. A book of positive birth stories -- ones that include situations like mine, where I *did* end up needing an emergency c-section, one that only the most hardcore jerks say was caused by doctor distress. (Dudes. She pooped her water and they had to suction out her lungs. She was in distress). The anti-"A Baby Story". Where someone tells mothers who "aren't dilating" to get up an walk around for a minute. Let gravity help you, for pity's sake.

Would you be interested in any of these things? Let me know.

Meanwhile, my lesson-from-God today came from a very unexpected source. There are a lot of "semi-transients" in my town; folks who do have homes, if you call rat-ridden slum efficiency apartments "homes", and the "semi" coming from the fact that they don't always remember where their homes are. One of these guys I've known for years. He's the kind of guy who, if I didn't know him, and saw him in a place I was unfamiliar with, I might cross the street to get away from him. He's a bulky sort of man, and his clothes are stained, and his hair is unkempt. I passed him as I was walking in from where I was parked, and then we ended up at the same coffee shop this morning. I got an iced mocha; he got an iced coffee. And he was standing in front of the straws. I asked him to hand me one, saying I didn't want to lean over his coffee.

He smiled at me, handed me one, and said "That's what neighbors are for."

He's very very right. Thanks for the reminder.

I feel like light today.

Use your imagination

2008-06-17T11:01:00.002-05:00

Because I don't know where the batteries are for the camera.

Here's the scene; a messy living room, small but lovingly decorated. All the furniture is Hand-me-down Chic, but none of it needs to be thrown out. A family lives here, you can tell by the brightly colored plastic toys in the corners the high chair strapped to a chair, the Exersaucer that is the middle of the floor for you to trip over, because there is nowhere else for it to be.

Crashed on the couch, wearied after a six month checkup and a frenzied effort to get Daddy out the door on time for work, is a pretty little red-headed baby, and her frazzled looking mother. The mother looks longingly at her knitting, which she hasn't touched since Friday, and looks realistically at the apartment (an utter disaster). You can see the thoughts on her face -- she could stay here all day, fighting the baby for time to clean, or she could cut loose, head over to her own mother's house, and let someone help her for a change...yeah, that sounds good...

She brings along two bags of laundry, because that's how she is.

Once the laundry is up and running (swirling), three generations of women head off to the local farmstand-with-garden store; one is an accomplished gardener, one wants a few plants in containers so she can make hotpepper jelly, and one is riding in a stroller and seems afraid of all the colors.

The women gather their purchases; bell peppers, hot peppers, cucumbers, summer squash. Carrot and radish seeds. Potting soil.

Back at the grandmother's house, the mother tries to calm the youngest member of her family under the trees. Her hands are gritty with potting soil, it's not the same as dirt, but it's closer than she's been for a long while. Her daughter is tired, her legs are sore from the shots she got, but she won't settle down to sleep. They rock in a swing, soft humming merging with the strong breeze sweeping down from between the trees. It carries with it the promise of half a hundred more summers like this one, with dandelion wine and strawberry jam and hot pepper jelly.

If God is good.

Blogging from my brother's

2008-06-15T17:49:00.001-05:00

where we just had a father's day celebration for BioDad, and partially to test out the keyboard on his Mac, which is most likely the next computer I'm going to buy for myself.

This weekend, there has been much with the knitting, as I went back and forth between Town & Country for myself, and the Nashua Blossom sweater out of PureLife for Lucy. I'll try and get my act together and actually post pictures this afternoon or tomorrow, depending on, well, life.

Yesterday was WWKIP day, and Lucy and I went to the Farmer's Market (not much produce that is baby-approved yet) and then camped out with about twenty people and knit. It's Vermont, we didn't actually stand out all that much. But it was fun.

Tomorrow, Lucy has her 6 month checkup; I'll let you know her updated stats, so you can appreciate how adorable she is. And then, in the evening, Mom is going to be moral support tomorrow, and we're going to set up a container garden for me. I'm thinking of cucumbers, peppers, maybe some carrots and radishes. It's part of Norma's Gardenalong, and it should be tremendously fun. I'm trying to choose things that I will either want to eat straight out of the ground, or else will help me achieve my goal of starting to make my own jams and jellies. I've been craving hot pepper jelly for three years; it's time to do something about it!

More later. I love this keyboard.

Where am I now?

2008-06-09T13:08:00.002-05:00

I just got a very polite email from Joan asking if I had, by chance, fallen down the well, or if, perhaps, my staggering pile of WIPs had tipped over, burying me under them, leaving Lucy to be raised motherless, crying sadly in the middle of the floor until either my uninterested neighbors investigate, or Robb comes home to see one pale hand poking out from under a mountain of yarn. Can't you just see him, falling to his knees and crying out his rage to the gods as he gathered his poor daughter close, trying to spare her the horror? A knitter done in by her hobby...

Okay, so she didn't say that exactly. You know she was thinking it.

The truth is much more prosaic. The last week of any month at my job, apparently, is full of people saying "Oh, right, I have to pay for health insurance. Oops. Can you -- no, I don't want to be on hold -- no, I don't care that you can't help me, I'd much rather -- no, don't you -- no, you listen --"

Well, you know how that goes. I got sworn at for the first time today. Hooray, very fun.

Anyway, after a long week of that crap, I went home to a moderately more scheduled weekend than I've been allowing. This would have been fine, but I accidentally attempted to accomplish other things along with the scheduled events, while discounting the effect that the ridiculous ball of fire in the sky would have on my little winter baby. We had plans with Robb's mom, and they were good-and-fun, a new car seat was acquired, and baby care will be more evenly split between my mom and Robb's mom, good for all. I got a sunburn on my arm, and I think Lucy got a bit of a burn on her sun-side, plus she was just generally overheated. So Saturday night was one huge wash. She had a terrible time settling down for sleep, and kept me pretty miserable most of Saturday night.

Sunday was going to be my day to "get stuff done," and that's where I made my fatal error. Most Sundays, I've "gotten stuff done" but I've planned for things like "clean for half an hour." and "shower." This Sunday, I wanted to clean the kitchen, neaten the living room, clean the bathroom, put away the week's laundry, do more laundry, knit, watch a movie...yeah, if you have young kids, you know where this is going. I totally ignored the fact that Lucy had a miserable day on Saturday, completely refused to believe that this mood might carry over into Sunday. I spent Sunday refusing to accept the reality that I needed to give up on everything but my little girl. It got fairly ugly, and frustrated both of us.

I did start knitting the fronts on the Town & Country sweater, and in a fancypants move (stupid, stupid, stupid!) I decided to try something new and knit both fronts at once. Of course, I messed it up; I haven't made up my mind if you could tell from a galloping horse, which is how I'll decide whether or not to frog the darned things.

My big success this weekend was making my very own baby food; yummy tasty Braeburns, cut up and steamed, then put through the baby food mill. Mmm good. Well, I thought so; Lucy was not convinced. At all. HYSTERICAL faces she made; I seriously thought she'd try and pull her tongue out. Of course, then there was the coughing, and the nearly choking; that was less fun. I think the apples are still a bit too thick for her, I'm going to try thinning it with some breastmilk tonight, and report back tomorrow (who am I kidding, you'll hear from me next week if I'm lucky!). But the making of the food was way easier than I thought it would be, and I think it's something I can commit to doing, which is ever so good.

So, um, yes. Not dead. Or buried under wool. Though one can dream.

Also, Siren, I never heard from you...you won a present! Get in touch with me at kristine . lemay @ gmail . com

Someone has a case of the "Mondays".

2008-06-02T08:32:00.003-05:00

And yes, that would be me. Stupid, stupid day.

I told Robb to set the alarm for 6:15, in an attempt to start combating my snooze-button habit. Unfortunately, I didn't remember that at 6am, when the alarm went off, so I got up 15 minutes later than I meant to. That normally would be fine -- I know myself well enough that I allow for such variations -- but on a morning like this one, which was a finely tuned machine of efficiency, we had a serious problem. Houston-style. Between those extra 15 minutes and having to circle the block twice to find a parking space (twice as far as normal, therefore walking to work took longer, and GOD do I miss taking the bus), I didn't have time to make the deposit I needed to before work. This means that instead of jetting to the post office and then eating lunch at my half hour break, I have to jet to the bank, and then jet to the post office, and probably not have time to eat.

Depending on my mood by 1:30, I might go to the bank, then run my risks of missing the post office this afternoon. Why the hell not, the post office raising the stamp rates every three second has already cost me $35, why not just wait until freaking FRIDAY to send my bills.

Grumble.

I hate trying to be responsible and failing. It gets me mean.

Plus, I have boulders on the front of my chest, instead of boobs. And, can we say ow? Another 20 minutes before I go to break/pump.

Knitting content! Knitting content here!

One repeat left on the back of Town & Country. I've been knitting so many socks and so much lace lately that it's a real treat, using worsted weight yarn and size 7 needles. It feels like I'm zipping along beautifully!

I'm wearing Austermann Step socks, and they are soooooooo sqooshy and compfy and wonderful. I want another 20 pair! (all in good time).

I turned the heel on the purple STR sock; and we have a winner! Siren416 most nearly guessed the time it took for me to give in and cast on for the purple sock, and given what Alison and Karin thought about my self-control, I'm really quite pleased with myself for holding out for five hours!

Blogger is currently being odd, so I can't link to Siren's blog...when blogger stops being stupid, I'll try again. :)

You guess.

2008-05-30T12:08:00.002-05:00

If I tell you that the new Socks That Rock club colorway was shades of purple, how long would you think it took me to have 20 WIPs? Not noticing Karin's comment that at least two of the items on my list (if I even remember the list correctly) contained multiple items?

No, seriously, guess.

If you guess right, I'll find a present for you. It'll probably be sock yarn. :)

An honest accounting of WIPs

2008-05-25T09:26:00.002-05:00

First off, what are the freaking odds.

Karin very kindly send me some Nashua Julia she had in a color she'd thought would look better on me than on her -- Deep Blue Sea. It's a gorgeous, deep teal, and I've got my heart set on knitting the military style cardi from Veronik Avery's Classic Style book out of it -- but I was a little worried that I'd need more yarn than I had. So, after a lot of debate, I figured screw dye lot, I'll get a few skeins at my LYS, and then if I need to, I can stripe the sleeves. I didn't even look for the dyelot, I figured I would have no luck.

I am trying to organize today, as a start to cleaning (and listening to the new 3 Doors Down album), and I combined the Julias. And realized the dyelots were an almost perfect match.

Because they're the same dyelot.

Who'd've figured??

So, what's on the needles:

1.) Town & Country, Cascade 220
2.) Nashua Blossom pattern for Lucy, Rowan Purelife
3.) Buckingham lace pattern out of Manos Silky Merino
4.) Waves in Square, CTH Sockittome in Cornflower
5.) Angel Pearls Scarf in nameless white laceweight
6.) Lily of the Valley Shawl out of purple Zephyr laceweight
7.) Ribbed socks in Austermann Step
8.) Ribbed socks in CTH Sock
9.) Ribbed socks in Koigu
10.) Sivia Harding sock club socks from TWO DECEMBERS ago (I need to find the other skein
11.) One of the Nancy Bush traveling socks in Blue Jean (LL)
12.) Worsted weight socks for Al, Blue Jeans (LL)
13.) Socks I'm designing out of Fiesta's new sock yarn
14.) Work socks out of Tofutsies
15.) Another Angel Pearls Scarf out of Cracksilk Haze
16.) A big blue mohair scarf in a rippley pattern
17.) Three different pairs of mittens from Folk Mittens
18.) Ladybug sweater
19.) Plain Pi shawl out of java CTH laceweight.

Oh my god. Forget stash busting; I need to WIP-bust. Jeez. I had no idea it had gotten so out of control!

If you have motivating suggestions, feel free to mention them!

This time, with pictures!

2008-05-25T07:30:00.004-05:00

I'm taking Ayla's advice and resurrecting my photobucket account. It's just too unreasonable, the way blogger uploads photos. This also means I can post photos at home and blog from work. It's a good thing.

Recent projects include:

Washing socks. Very glam, I know.

Closeup on:

Work socks. I actually tried to make these match, can you believe it? I failed, clearly. Good thing it doesn't worry me. :)

Socks that Rock socks. In Green. clearly, I'm weakening in my old age, because these are my favorite socks except my Lenores.

Sweater for Lucy. In Rowan's Purelife. I love this yarn. It's cotton, and I love it. Let's not go into all the weird things that says about me.

The beginnings of Town & Country. I've now completed two repeats of the main body pattern, but my camera batteries died, so you get ribbing pictures.

Today, I was going to go downtown and watch a friend run a 26k marathon. Today, I woke up and...well, maybe after I do this. Maybe. It does look like a beautiful day out, but I just feel rather blah about the whole thing. Not because of Jim, but because my house is a disaster and I want to clean and...and...and...I don't know yet what I'm going to do. I'll definitely know by tomorrow. :)

Lucy Update!!

Someone has found her toes...

And started eating solid foods.

Grumbly bear

2008-05-21T08:14:00.002-05:00

I am a whiny, bratty little bitch today. Feel free to smack me.

I don't know what is bugging me so badly. I slept reasonably well, Lucy didn't do her crazed wolverine impression, just woke up because she was hungry, settled down when she ate, and then was still asleep with Daddy when I left for work. I got a lovely message from my stepmother that she had finished and folded my laundry, and I could pick it up whenever, and I totally expected to finish it tonight. I got to see the season finale of House last night. And I got to work in time to get a cup of coffee and a bagel before I had to log on the phones. Really, what could be bad about all this?

I don't know.

I tried to upload pictures to Blogger, with the thought of saving a draft so I could add text when I got to work -- but blogger took fifteen minutes and was still working on trying to load the freaking things, increasing my belief that hosting my blog somewhere would be a good plan. Wordpress rocks, or so I hear.

The coffee upset my stomach so badly that I haven't eaten my bagel. I understand (now) that I should have reversed the order of these things, but the universe is not rewarding my understanding by making me less sick.

I'm too tired and brain dead to try and work on the Shedir socks, but I don't have any other knitting with me.

While I enjoy Ravelry for its organizational purposes, and I've joined a bazillion groups...I don't really find that I care about *reading* or responding to the groups. I'm bored with Forums. I did that in the 90s. I dunno, I'm just weird.

I'm revamping all my wedding plans to fit the revised budget I was given. I'm over the sour grapes portion of my psychology, and I'm even getting into the new and improved plans...but I'm a little bit sad and frustrated about some of the circumstances that led me to this place.

I want families to be simple.

And I hate telling moms that because they were responsible, and their kids were responsible, their kids have to not have insurance for a year before they can get help. And then, at the same time, I want to scream at them to stop covering for their damn kids and let their 21, 22, 23 year olds know that they absolutely need to get out there and get a job and get insurance through their job, because traveling Europe is cool, but it doesn't get you anywhere.

Don't ask. That's all I'm allowed to say about it.

See, I told you. Bitch today.

I'm going to go eat a cookie now.

I know you're all dying to know...

2008-05-20T13:54:00.002-05:00

...whether or not Lucy got any sleep last night. I mean, I know that if I were reading this blog, it would be what I was most interested in. Not news about knitting or anything like that. No. Why would you be interested in waving two sticks around until I get a sweater? (note: it takes a looooooooooooong time.)

So, since it's what you're all here for, I'm more than happy to tell you!

Last night, Lucy went to bed earlier than I meant her to -- I'm realizing that an earlier bedtime (pre-8pm) directly contributes to the growling-grumpies at 4am. But she had lousy naps yesterday, and was an inconsolable, crying, mess of a baby by the time I got her back from Mom yesterday (not Mom's fault, we don't blame her), so when I finally got her to fall asleep at 7:30, there was no freaking way I was waking her up unless she woke up on her own. And she didn't, so...yeah.

I do not have one of those sleep-12-hours-at-a-time babies. She's an awake baby, as Karin once described her. She went two months without a proper nap; she would nap about 15 minutes after nursing, and then was up and at it again. The most she's ever slept at one time is about eight hours.

I'm peaceful with all of this. There are forces in my life who insist that I *need* to get the baby on a schedule, that I *need* to make her sleep more, that I *need* to do this or that or the other thing. I've spent five months getting very, very adept at smiling and saying "Thanks for the advice, but her pediatrician says she's healthy," or "That's an interesting opinion, thanks for that. I think we're good with the way things are, though," or maybe "That's interesting -- are you interested in why we're doing things the way we are?" I figure Lucy is on a schedule -- hers. She sleeps as much as she needs to (this has been verified by her pediatrician) and what I *need* to do is take care of my daughter and meet her needs as best as I can until she's better able to communicate them to me. Those needs vary day-to-day, and I best meet them by remaining flexible and making sure that I am not forcing her needs to fit some predetermined schedule. Sure, there's the big three -- hungry/dirty/tired -- but after that, it's often a matter of trial and error.

The biggest thing I've learned about my daughter -- she's not a book. I can't read her. So I have to figure it out, nice and slow. Which means that no one has all the answers -- not the AP folks, not the Cry-It-Out folks, not the baby-wearers...it's like diets. You need to take bits and pieces from everything, call it tools in your toolbox -- don't use a hammer to beat in a screw, is what I'm saying.

I'm rambling.

Anyway.

The only reason I'm considering transitioning Lucy to her crib at all is because I'm wondering if she might sleep better there than she currently is in bed with us. If that's not the case, I'm not going hardline on the issue.

Anyway again.

Back up at 4:30am this morning with the grumblies. Miss Lucy was REALLY resistant to everything this morning; I rocked her and bounced her and cuddled her, and she finally settled down around 5 am in her crib, and slept until 6am, when she got hungry, and came back to our bed for a nice relaxed breakfast. I could hear her moving around in her crib before she fell back asleep, and I heard a couple of toys being played with, but she seemed to feel okay. And she's learning to self-soothe, which is pretty cool; she had a hard time falling asleep when I first brought her to her crib, but I kept picking her up and rocking her until she relaxed, then lying (laying? I never know) her back down -- the third time I did this, instead of her little face crumpling up, she flipped herself onto her side, popped her thumb into her mouth (after weaving her little fingers through her blankie so that it was right there too, she's making her knitting mama very proud) and closed her eyes. Out like a light -- at least for a bit.

It seems goofy, I know, spending half an hour in the morning getting her to sleep in her own bed, so that she can sleep there for an hour, but it's working well for me; it means that when I fall back asleep, I sleep better, because she's not trying to attract my attention every few seconds, and I can actually fall asleep for even another half hour before the alarm goes off; it's a good division for right now.

I think we're a long way, though, from her really sleeping on her own all night in the crib. But that's not an important goal for me, so I'm okay with it. There are certainly a few -- ahem -- relationship based challenges, but hey. I'm a creative lady.

As witnessed by the Primavera socks! Completed, done, fini! I had to request assistance from the knittalk group to figure out how to kitchener without a tapestry needle, and I don't like the way the toe came out on that sock, but I don't dislike it enough to take it out and redo it. I'll try to get a picture and post it tomorrow.

Now I've cast on for the Shedir socks out of Tofutsies yarn; I'll show you a picture of those, too. Tomorrow. I hope.

Oh! And new cleaning strategy; I get home, get the baby settled in, and set the microwave timer for 30 minutes. And I clean until the timer goes off. Whatever comes to hand, whatever I feel like dealing with, but I do it every day. It's fantastic, because I'm pleasantly surprised by how much clutter can be cleared with a dedicated half hour of work, and I don't feel bogged down by the complete mess that my house is.

Go me!

Also update: remember the moths?

Yeah, freezing did zero good. Cooking them per Alison's suggestion was impossible -- it's Vermont, we don't believe in sun here. Ultimately, I've thrown out one bag of yarn (oh, my bleeding heart!) but the losses seem to be limited there. It was a skein of Socks That Rock in a colorway I hated and was not sad to see go (Monsoon -- grey and green. Ugh. Blergh. Yuck.) and four skeins of Louet Gems in the prettiest baby blue I'd ever seen -- but it was sacrificed to keep my Manos safe, and I honored it appropriately before pitching it out in the trash.

The rest of the yarn that was near those bags is still in isolation, but so far still seems unaffected. There is one other bag in DEEP isolation -- in a totally separate part of the room from EVERYTHING else because it is highly suspicious -- which contains a bunch of sock leftovers and the cone of mohair that Karin sent me a few months ago.

I figure if things remain as they are for a bit longer, I may consider reintegration. But I'm being hyper cautious. I think I'm going to go by the health food store and get a couple bars of strongly scented soap; my understanding is that lavender won't help once you have moths, but can help keep you from getting moths.

I'm tremendously talkative when I'm at work. I'll scamper off now. :)

Weekend, I love you; or, cabling with cotton is not for the faint of heart.

2008-05-19T07:58:00.005-05:00

Ah, the bliss of a weekend. You work in retail long enough and you forget the luxury of Saturday morning, stretching and relaxing into the sunlight that comes through your window, moving like a cat into the ease of pajama day.

Well, other people do. My apartment is half in the basement. But I stretch, and pretend that there is sunlight. It's something.

Friday, I told you I was going to start transitioning Lucy into her crib. Didn't happen. Blame Robb. No, really -- I was ready on this one, and when I mentioned it to him, he gave me the saddest eyes and said, "Well, okay. I guess. If you think it's best." Turns out Daddy wakes up and checks on his girl a lot during the night, and he thinks he'll still wake up if she's not there.

So we decided on a hybrid plan. Lucy went to bed in our bed, as she has been, at about 8:30. We went to bed probably around midnight. Little girl was sound asleep, even slept through her midnight diaper change (I know it's probably silly, but it's stopped the 6am diaper blowout, so I'm fine with it. There's nothing like waking up with poop in your bed to start your day off right). Around 4am, she woke me up with her grumbly-growling. It's the weirdest thing; I'm convinced she's still asleep, but she growls and whines and groans and makes a ton of noise and jerks her body all around; she won't eat, she won't settle. Sometimes if I pull her onto my chest she calms down and falls back into a more solid sleep, but sometimes it wakes her up and she screams. I'm going to mention it to her doctor at her 6month well baby (which will be about three weeks from now, so no big deal).

So, at 4am when she woke me up, I offered her da boob; she didn't notice, just kept flailing. So I cuddled her for a minute, and then moved her into her crib. As soon as I picked her up, she relaxed, and she didn't even wake up when I put her in her crib. I stayed there for a minute, to make sure she wasn't going to wake up howling, but she stayed settled. I went back to bed, and all three of us slept for another three hours. She woke up, hungry and smiling, and I woke up happy and rested. Good deal, all around.

Sunday morning, she didn't wake up grumbly until almost 5:30. Did the same thing over again.

This morning, we were grumbly free. Hooray.

Kaleidoscope had their big sale this weekend, and I got some serious swag. Since I was too busy enjoying my daughter to take pictures of my loot, I will provide you with some links. :)

Cascade 220 in a lovely dark charcoal grey. This was originally going to be for the Fylingdale sweater out of the new A Fine Fleece book, but after swatching (I know, can you believe it? I swatched! TWICE!! IN ONE WEEKEND!!!), it was painfully clear that this yarn was NOT going to make that sweater. 5 stitches to an inch and 4 stitches to an inch...just not the same.

So, I did what any sensible knitter would do, when faced with a pile of yarn that is just not going to work for what they thought it was going to work for. I searched all through the book for a pattern that would work with the gauge and amount of yarn I had. And lo and behold, the Town And Country sweater has exactly that gauge, exactly the right amount of yarn -- guess why, because that sweater was knit out of Cascade 220. Sigh.

I've knit two inches of cabled rib, and I can already see why this yarn is on so many peoples' list of favorite workhorse yarns. It's sturdy and durable and I love it already.

I also got enough Rowan Purelife cotton for a sweater for Lucy. It's this soft, hazy grey color (it was a grey weekend, apparently) that I'm using to knit a little cardi out of the new Nashua Blossom booklet. It was one of those things -- I saw a sample knit up in the shop, and I marched myself straight back to the counter and informed Kalen that I needed to make that sweater, and now. It's pattern number 4; it's so cute! I knit the back and a sleeve over the weekend. Cabling in cotton...ow. I decided that I could cast on for the Town & Country cardi at the same time, because I needed something to give my hands a break. I forget how hard it is to knit in cotton!

But I'm weirded out. I'm going to have to rethink the entire concept of gauge in my life. I've always been a loose knitter -- drop down one to two needle sizes before I even swatch. For the Town & Country, my gauge was letter-perfect with the pattern needles, both row AND stitch. Then, for the cotton -- I actually went UP two sizes. I know! I nearly died of shock.

I also got some Baby ULL in a purple color for a winter sweater, but I can't track down the Dale link for the sweater so that you can understand how funny it is that I want to knit this sweater in purple (and that I'm considering doing one band in white or -- you guessed it -- grey, but we'll see about that), so perhaps more, along with the sale-swag, tonight. Or tomorrow. When I'm taking pictures.

Hooray. :)

Oh, and onto the foot of the work sock. Go me!

In case the title of the blog hadn't clued you in...

2008-05-16T11:46:00.002-05:00

...I really love lilacs. They remind me of spring time, of my grandmother's house once the snow was gone, of playing in her yard, which was smaller and less substantial in every way than my parents' yard, but made better by novelty. They remind me of my cousins and the glory days of childhood. They remind me of the bitter sweetness of my grandmother's elderly years, her gentle decline into Alzheimer's, and those last few moments before we moved her out of the house she'd lived in for many, many years.

The lilacs are blooming in Vermont. I had been riding the bus to work for the past three weeks, and one of the reasons I was loving my bus rides was that I could open the windows near me and breathe in the sweet fragrance of the lilacs all through Chittenden county. They're almost too sweet, aren't they? They dance the line just near cloying -- but for me, they never cross.

Unfortunately, my bus rides have been canceled, at least for awhile; Mom's taking care of Lucy for us, so that I can work, and she's too tired at night to bring Lucy back home; it's completely idiotic to ride the bus all the way from Burlington to Essex, just to turn around and drive back to Burlington. I was getting home at 7, after leaving the house at 6am.

So I'm back to having a huge, depressing carbon footprint. :( I'm currently driving a 99 Taurus that my father is kindly paying insurance/any bills on for a year. I'm researching cars for next year, something that won't cost me $200 a month in gas (it's an estimate, don't quote me). I love that there are fuel efficient sub-compact sedans that are actually safe. I'm torn between the Chevy Aveo and the Toyota Yaris. Next time I bring our Focus in for an oil change, I'll quiz my mechanic, see what he thinks.

Meanwhile, my sock knitting has also been cut into severely. This, just after I'd signed up for that Summer of Socks thingy. Oh well. I'll survive, I'm sure.

Other than that, I'm just having a whiny Friday. I'm tired, Lucy didn't sleep more than a couple hours at a time after I went to bed, and I'm thinking of starting to transition her to her crib, to see if maybe she's one of those babies who sleeps better on her own. That means I have to clean the laundry out of her crib. Sigh. It was so much easier the other way, but even if it means that I nurse her before I go to bed and get up a little earlier in the morning to nurse her again -- I think I'm encouraging her to wake more frequently in the night by being there to soothe her back to sleep.

I do have the common sense to try out this little plan of mine over the weekend, rather than on a weeknight, when I really need the sleep.

Other whines include: I hate pumping, I hate people who don't listen, I hate bills, I hate money, and I hate clutter. However, I have to/am willing to live with all of these things, given that I have very little choice on some of them.

My LYS is having a huge sale this weekend. I suspect that will cheer me up immensely. :) I'm going to get yarn for at least one sweater for me, at least one sweater for Lucy...after that, we'll see what happens.

Much love to all of you.

Now that I have a new-and-improved shift-key

2008-05-14T11:21:00.002-05:00

I am willing to post from work, since my attempts at shifting no longer look LikE THiS.

It stressed me out. I'm OCD like that.

Thank you so much, all of you, for being so nice about my humble little sock; I have to take some time to write up the pattern -- maybe Lucy will take a trip with Grandma for a couple of hours on Sunday, I'm not sure -- but I plan on offering it sometime soon. I hope. I'll probably post it for free, because...I don't know, because I don't feel like I can charge for something the very first time I do it. You can disagree with me if you want, but you probably won't change my mind.

I have another sock that I'm working on, but it's an at-home sock, and I've been playing with it a lot, so I haven't been showing it to you here. There's a kinda cool story behind it though.

See, my friend Jacquelyn lives down south now, and my friend Ashley out west, but we all went to college together, back in the old days, when life was good and the wheat was high -- but I digress. Ashley, when she got out west, got fascinated with spinning, and has gotten quite good, first with a drop spindle, and then with a couple of wheels that she's picked up in the meantime. If you need proof of this, check out http://www.artemisiaink.com/ . She's sent me bits and bobbles now and then, but I haven't had just the right project yet, so the yarn lingers about, eating bon-bons and generally behaving like the artwork that it is.

Meantime, my friend Jacquelyn has a friend who has moved away, and her friend loved socks. No, really, loved socks. Like we love yarn, this woman loved her some socks.

So Jacquelyn thought, between my friend Kristine and my friend Ashley, I can make my friend some socks.

So Ashley got commissioned to spin up some yarn, and I got commissioned to knit up some socks. I'm inventing that pattern as well, but it isn't so clear and lovely yet, so I'm not giving up pictures just yet. But soon.

I promise. Soon.

As soon as I think that I can handle my job and designing a knitting pattern at the same time. The other one was easy, I can read what I did clearly enough just by looking at the sock. This one will be trickier.

And I have to figure out how to describe the process I went through, figuring out how long to make the foot. It involves math (ugh). I may require wine. We'll see how it goes.

Hugs to all of you.

A Picture or Three

2008-05-10T07:18:00.004-05:00

So, I finally blocked Kay's Diamonds; I LOVE how this shawl came out. It's soft and cuddle and big enough that both corners can go over my shoulders. It would need a pin to stay put, but it's as big as I wanted it to be. I loooooove it.

But most exciting this week is this sock.

See it, see how cute it is? With the traveling cable and the prettiness? Want to know what the pattern is?

I can't tell you, because I haven't written it up yet.

Do you know how cool that is to say? "Oh, yes, here's this new sock I've been working on. Oh, what pattern? No pattern, I'm MAKING IT UP OUT OF MY VERY OWN BRAIN!"

I feel tremendously smart, because I THOUGHT THAT UP.

I'm sure it looks exactly like some sock that someone else made a zillion years ago, and they probably did a better job with it, but I'm thrilled because I still thought up this one.

So, ha. :)

Lucy got her first taste of rice cereal yesterday. Hey, Mikey, I think she likes it!

Still no pictures.

2008-05-09T12:03:00.000-05:00

There are pictures in my camera that I mean to show you.

There are thoughts in my head that I mean to share.

Some of them even involve knitting!

Don't give up on me just yet.

It was a good week.

2008-05-04T07:38:00.002-05:00

And I should take pictures and show you everything that got accomplished, but I'm just...a little bit "eh" today. A little bit tired, a little bit slow-on-the-brain, you know how it goes.

Watching people who are actually answering the phones (as opposed to myself, who is still in training), I feel as though this job will, on some days, give me the opportunity to see most of the internet (again! as if there wasn't enough of that while I was working at the hospital...of course, I wasn't on Ravelry then, so...), while on other days, I'll be crazy-busy. But knitting is on the approved list of downtime activities, so that's a good thing -- and people seem to actually be supportive of children and families, which is another.

Example...on Thursday, we took our morning 15-minute break, and I took my breast pump into the office they'd given me to pump in, and I looked inside...and suddenly remembered taking out the shield parts and putting them in the cleaner, and thinking to myself "Now, don't forget those tomorrow." Oops.

I figured I'd walk down to the natural-kids store and buy new ones on my lunch break, but I was looking at a long (and uncomfortable!) two hours until then, and I was concerned about getting enough milk, if I had to do that...long story short, the trainer told me to just go and take care of it and get back. "It's important," she said, "We'll wait for you." She had the other trainees work on exercises so that I could make sure my daughter had enough to eat the next day. That just would not happen in retail. I was so pleased, I can't even tell you.

I've accomplished a lot of knitting this week. I finally seamed in the sleeves of the Bicolor Cardigan, and tried it on to realize that I started it when my chest measured a mild 36"; things have changed since then! I'll be wearing this cardigan open...there's no freaking way I'm frogging it and reknitting, even though there's an insane amount of leftover yarn.

I finished the Kay's Diamond shawl I was testknitting for Wendy, I just need to block it and photograph it, and then decide if it's for me, or a Christmas present.

I finished the socks I showed you on Monday, as well as finally finishing the most recent Rocking Sock Club socks (those green ones from awhile ago).

I frogged two other socks that I just wasn't ever going to finish; the Francie socks I'd been working on out of the CTH Sockittome, and some Nancy Bush socks out of some exquisite Lisa Souza Sock!Merino.

And I cleaned the bedroom. A little.

But I've been too tired to take pictures. My evenings have been about reconnecting with Lucy and Robb and home. This week coming is going to be a mess, Robb's jerk-of-a-boss is having him close every night he works, so I'll hardly see him. I'm not pleased. But we'll manage, and if necessary, I'll arrange to have his boss kneecapped. :)

Much love. Pictures later. :)

It's good to be a survivor

2008-04-28T17:37:00.006-05:00

Today was my first day back at work. I think I'm going to like the job, and I was much happier to see my baby at the end of the day...but mid-day, I opened my purse and found one tiny shoe...I'll admit to getting a bit weepy.

Seeing the Harlot in Noho was pretty awesome, but the number of people in WEBS was insane. It was good for curbing my stashing tendencies, as I rapidly got sick of using Lucy like a 13lb battering ram. I am not coping to the stash that I purchased, I loved everything I got, and that's enough for today. :) You'll see it as I knit it.

I did get to meet Karin, which was pretty incredibly awesome. Karin has been taking care of my stash for a couple of years now, and she's one of the sweetest, kindest people you'll ever meet. I'm glad I got to finally MEET her, because the shining light around her brightened my whole day.

Apparently, the Bjorn is Lucy's favorite chew toy. I looked like a dork, but then, I always do.

I also met two wonderful ladies with adorable babies...of course, I've completely forgotten their names, but I'm sure they'll show up on the YH blog, and then I'll find them.

So, one of the ways that you know I'm a gigantic geek? I'm actually excited, because my new job involves a 35-40 minute bus commute twice a day. Do you know how much sock knitting you can get done in that much time?

The cuff, and about half of the brown got done at the Calvin Theatre, listening to Stephanie; the rest is bus knitting. And a little bit of get-me-through-the-post-lunch-snooze knitting. Yeah, you heard me. They let me knit. At work.

Heaven!

So, there will be plain, or slightly exciting, socks for bus knitting...and there will be at home knitting. I need to finish the socks for my step-father's birthday (Sunday) and then I have a project to embark on for a friend of a friend -- and some gorgeous handspun to do it with.

And I'm going to spend a ton of my "economic stimulus" check on yarn. Hooray! Is it sick that I'm already deciding on what I want? Sure, Mr. President, I'll stimulate the economy...at Blue Moon Fiber Arts...and Handmaiden...and Cherry Tree Hill...

...and...

2008-04-27T19:19:00.003-05:00

it was awesome!

I've been trying to get to a Harlot signing since...well, for a while now. This year was the first time the stars aligned. It was also an awesome outing for Lucy and I; I go back to work tomorrow, and I was le ball de stress over it...today felt like some kind of bonding thing, even though my daughter won't be able to remember it...I like that I'll be able to say "Yes, I had to go back to work, but we took the coolest trip, just before I did..."

And of course, I had to add to the sock yarn stash. Hey, I'm going to be riding a bus for thirty minutes twice a day until Kingdom Come. I needs me some sock yarn!

Pictures some time when there's light. Not of Stephanie; the ladies I was hanging with and I decided to head up to the balcony, so my pictures were far away and dim and blurry. And then I completely meant to ask for a picture of her holding Lucy, meant to ask her to do it for Alison (hi!) but I got so addle-pated that I just plain forgot, and then I didn't want to cut the line TWICE. I did remember to tell her about my first pair of socks, that I knit, what, 10 years ago, and I just...skipped the heel flap. Oops. It worked...but they were very "interesting" socks.

Quickie

2008-04-27T06:51:00.002-05:00

so, I've been frantically trying to finish the Bi-Color Cabled Sweater (by Annie Modesitt, from a practically ancient IK), hence the lack of words here, but it didn't get finished in time, so Scheherazade is out and ready, with the pin that I forgot to wear in Vegas...and so I want to (quickly) say...

WEEEEEEEE'RE OFF TO SEE THE HARLOT! THE MOST WONDERFUL HARLOT OF ALL!

Another one with no pictures.

2008-04-21T22:49:00.002-05:00

Sorry about that. But knitting is a two handed task, as is baby cuddling, so picture taking has been right out. Isn't 4 months old a little early for separation anxiety? It's the best I can figure out for what's going on, though -- or else, my little trooper is finally actually teething. People have been predicting it for three months now, so I guess we might finally be getting there.

Project updates: the crumped lace, aka Kay's Diamonds, is on the final border. I've finished 3 rows out of 30, and it's going to take some time to get those last 27 rows done, a.) because I've got 400 stitches on a 24" needle (oy!) and b.) because my step-father's birthday is on Sunday, plus mother's day is coming up, and I'd like to knit my mom a pair of socks for then. If I survive. :)

I'm driving myself and Lucy down to Northampton, MA, on Sunday to see the Yarn Harlot! We will have a very good time; is it tacky to wear the shawl I made myself for Suzi's wedding last year? Am I showing off? Or just being comfy, in case it's cold?

Seriously, was that a year ago? Didn't even know I was pregnant. Wow.

Anyway.

Other than that, it's just been one of those crappy days where no one can shake their bad mood -- not me, not Robb, not Lucy. Unfortunately, the only way that Lucy will sleep (or even stop crying at all) today is in Mama's arms. It's not that I resent it, I'm glad that my daughter and I have bonded that well...but it'd be nice to take a shower without listening for the screams. Knowing that they'll start right...about...there it is.

Ah, well. This, too, shall pass. Tomorrow, she'll be using my showers to sneak my car keys out of my purse and head for the hills with some boyfriend her father and I disapprove of. I'll enjoy her while she's here.

Much love.

Denial; it's not just a river in Egypt.

2008-04-19T11:05:00.003-05:00

So, about a week ago, I frogged a sock. I noticed that there seemed to be odd breaks in the yarn, but I refused to think about it.

I saw a little bug flying around the house, but no. He wasn't the right color to scare me.

But today. I went into the stash to find a dyelot for someone on ravelry. And there it was. A little, light brown guy, hanging out in the back of the closet. And in the bag that had held the frogged sock, a little white larvae.

Crap. Crap crap crapity crap on a crap cracker.

All the yarn that hasn't been stored in the plastic bins is on its way to my mom's, to go into deep freeze. What else can I even do? With a baby and a cat, I'm not using chemicals or fumigating. Suggestions? I've heard lavendar helps?

Crap crap crap crapity crap.

Happy 1/3rd of a Year Birthday, Lucy!

2008-04-16T21:49:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to you!

My little girl is 4 months old today! She doesn't go to the doctor until next Tuesday, so I can only give you approximate ideas of her stats -- she's about 24" long, I think, and about 13 lbs (based on the very elegant and scientifically accurate method of weighing myself and then weighing myself holding her). I'll let ya know after Tuesday (and three more shots -- almost as painful for me as her, I think!)

B, before you go nuts, the shirt doesn't say anything -- well, it says the letters a-z, but the o is changed into a heart, and it's lined up so it says i (heart) u down one side.

I promised you a pic of the purple/multi yarn, and I have fallen down on the job there; but here is the single of the yellow/turquoise/black merino.

I'll get the twist set tomorrow, and then I'll show you a pic of the yarn in person. I'm thinking of digging some grey out of the stash and trying out some two-ended knitting or some quasi-Norwegian otherness for a winter hat. We'll see. I messed up and plyed the yarn z-ways, so it would be ideal for two-ended knitting...but I don't wanna, because I'd have to spin another z-ways skein to match it and it's just not ever going to happen. Honesty in poker, and all that.

I would show you more of the lace shawl, but honestly, it looks the same. It's crumpled lace. Except that now the newest skein attached has a lot of crimp in it, having just been salvaged from a sweater that was cast on in 2005, if memory serves. Possibly earlier. Oh my. :)

Actually, that's a pic of the shawl that's only from yesterday.

And mentioning crimp reminds me that I discovered two pounds of romney roving in the closet. I can spin this stuff into something very close to thread (at least in my humble world) because of the staple length and immense crimp (don't I sound knowledgeable??). I'll try to remember to post pics of that tomorrow, too.

Big news on the home front: we've set an approximate date for the wedding! (Did I mention here that Robb proposed just before Thanksgiving?) Mom and I go to tour my preferred site for the wedding and reception tomorrow -- Robb's been at that location a lot, so he's just saying "If you like it, I like it."

Keep your fingers crossed that it's only crazy expensive, not insane expensive.

Wherein Knitting Fails To Hypnotise My Daughter

2008-04-15T06:17:00.003-05:00

A quick "still alive" post. Lucy has discovered that elbows are for more than just jabbing Mama in the boobs, and that it is possible to progress from one's stomach to one's back, even if not in a stately manner. She can't actually get to her hands and knees yet -- she can either leave her belly on the ground and get her shoulders up, or leave her shoulders down and get her knees under her -- but she's trying.

And, in what I've been given to understand is proper baby fashion, this new expansion of skills has been met with a sudden burst of clingy, whiny behavior (four months old and the kid knows that whiny gets under my skin WAY faster than screaming) that I am doing my best to meet in my quasi-AP style -- which means I'm spending a lot of time baby wearing, and when that's not enough, just plain old cuddling my little girl. I don't think any knitter would ever be heartless enough to say such a thing, but just so we're clear, this wouldn't be a great time to tell me "just let her cry." I would have to go all mama-lion on anyone foolish enough to say such wretched things.

It wouldn't be so bad if the list of acceptable positions for holding weren't so small. Seriously, I get it wrong by a fraction of an inch, and you would think I just invaded a soverign country for no reason other than my own political and economic gain. Whoops, sorry, friends got me talking politics again. I'll be quiet. :)

However, the new comfy spot that has just been discovered is lying face down on my lap with her head hanging off my leg. What's that about? Weird baby.

Pictures when the pouty lip isn't hanging out, because I can't handle the lip long enough to hit the button.

Oh -- and something to tempt you to come back -- I found a length of merino fiber that I had dyed in spots of yellow, black, and turquoise. I spun it up -- made a surprisingly fine single, if I do say so myself -- and plied it with the purple. Want to see how it turns out? Come back soon!

This is one of those weeks.

2008-04-09T08:36:00.002-05:00

You know the sort. In the moment, you think "Dear God, will this ever end?" And after the fact, you go and lie down with a damp cloth over your eyes and a very large tumbler of vodka or screetch or your poison of choice.

I'm still upright. I'm nursing. This keeps me good. :)

Here's what I've been doing while Lucy naps. When she naps. Which, this week, is hardly ever.

I'm so impressed with me. A year and a half ago, I think, I bought the high speed adaptor for my Ashford Kiwi spinning wheel. The process of getting it was such a huge annoyance (it's the reason I now refuse to shop at the other LYS) that I became disgusted with all things spinning. And then, I couldn't see my feet because of the baby in the way. But this week...I really wanted to spin. So I brought out the wheel and listened to Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell while spinning away. And, once I realized that the complete lack of treddling was due to the thingamabobbie (you know, the do-dad that actually sets your ratio, the bobbin sits in it?) being brand new, a judicious application of a little bit of olive oil (it was all I had!) set it all to rights, and I set about spinning a really fine single, if I do say so myself. :) It's not thread, and it's still slubby and inconsistent, but it's a damn sight better than anything I've ever spun before in my life. I'm in love.

The fleece is Romney, I think, and I dyed it my very own self.

Crumpled lace picture. I'm on a third repeat of the body pattern, and haven't found a single mistake in this section at all! Hooray. The lace is that wonderful sort of pattern -- easily memorized, so that after I check to see how to do the edges, I'm off and running all the way across the body -- I don't have to check the pattern a zillion times to see what to do next.

I think I'm going to do five repeats...we'll see. I think I'm also going to need blocking wires. Since I can't afford real blocking wires, I might be "making my own." We'll see how it goes.

Finally, I bought Lucy a dress for St. Patrick's Day, then got horribly sick on the day itself. So, after a few weeks of recovery, Lucy got her Irish on.

I think the last one is my favorite, and the one that frightens Robb the most.

I am the coolest cool kid in Coolsville.

2008-04-03T08:32:00.004-05:00

Know why? Huh, huh, know why?

Because Wendy (link fixed, thanks for the tip, Karin!) just finished designing a new shawl and I get to test knit it. In a DK weight yarn, no less. (I don't know why that makes it so much cooler, don't ask me. :) )

It's funny -- I wonder if she thinks it's a chore, and I think it's -- well, a sacred responsibility.

I went through agonies deciding on a yarn.

First choice was the mohair that Karin had sent me.

I love the color, but for some reason, the mohair just seemed to devour this pattern. I could make it work, I wanted to make it work, but it just wasn't working for me. Maybe a bigger needle...but I didn't want to reswatch, knowing the halo was still going to annoy me, in this pattern.

Next, I brought out some Jaeger Roma that had been frogged out of the Dollar And A Half Cardigan that was in VK or IK summer before last.

Again, love the color, now LOVE the stitch definition -- but there's no give to this. No drape. And what's a shawl without drape?

So I turned to a third yarn -- some Cashsoft DK that I've also had kicking around in a TOAD sweater that I've been working on since well before I met Robb two and a half years ago (sigh). I needed acres of stockinette to finish it, and it wasn't the right size anymore -- screw it.

Beautiful. I'm off to the races, and I finally get to move beyond the set-up charts. Hurrah!

Now, this one apparently has a huge issue that needs to be dealt with THIS SECOND so while I go figure out what the heck that is, go gaze at the girl who finally started sleeping without Mama there sleeping right next to her (it only took an hour! -- we'll see what happens tonight.)

Oh thank GOD

2008-03-28T15:45:00.002-05:00

I think enough Moms read this that you all will understand and appreciate.

I just discovered that Lucy now has enough head control that if I put the Boppy pillow on my lap, put her where she -- well, goes, you get the idea -- prop my left foot up on my right knee and position it just so under her head...she can nurse without me holding on to her.

Hooray!

Yeah, yeah, nursing = bonding time, I get it, but sometimes -- sometimes she has radar. And sometimes I just want to type an email with BOTH my hands.

That is all. Please return to your knitting.

Except for B. Who should tell me her shoe size. For absolutely no reason at all. Stop looking at me like that.

Then, B may also return to her knitting.

Because B won't let it rest until I post this...

2008-03-26T18:25:00.004-05:00

Here's what happened during the recent bout of start-itis.

You've already seen the Francie sock and the Bias Tank.

To add to my list-of-shame, we have:

Sivia Harding's Waves in the Square pattern. The yarn is Cherry Tree Hill Sockittome. There is actually a cool story behind this -- I love love love this yarn (you might have noticed) and emailed CTH one day, saying that I had gotten their yarn at Kaleidoscope Yarns, my LYS, and adored the yarn, but wondered if they were ever going to make the yarn in a solid, because I thought it would be awesome for lace. Yes, I know, you would think that nylon wouldn't let a good block hold, but I figured as long as it wasn't for something I had to block severely, it would be great.

I thought of the whole Grumperina/Addi/Lace Needles thing, but never thought I'd start anything.

Two days later, though, I got an email from Jill, my LYSO -- CTH was shipping her their ten most popular colors in Sockittome solids, and would I like to know when they came in?

Seriously. How could I not start that shawl?

And then, while I was suffering weakness from those three escapades, my new Socks That Rock Sock Club kit arrived.

The yarn is called Lucky Charms and it's that color of which I am not fond. So, logically, I should want to bury this yarn away and just...pretend it doesn't exist, right?

You would think so. Apparently, I am weaker than I thought. I should point out that the teal-blue color is a complete fabrication by my camera that I couldn't photoshop to fix. I don't know why, but looking at the color my camera thinks this sock is actually makes me like the yarn more, as in real life, it's just sort of froggy-grassy. I'll fuddle with the camera more tomorrow when the baby isn't using her toes to offer helpful suggestions.

Now, on a different subject, Shan posted about something Mel mentioned, called Messy Tuesday. It's not Tuesday, but I feel so...liberated by seeing other people's un-ideal homes that I just can't help myself.

See this?

This is my coffee table. Scattered over with DVDs, yarn, and gaming system controllers. This was actually worse yesterday; there were dirty dishes.

See this?

This is what happens to my bedroom when I get exhausted and sick and fall behind on the laundry. Especially because the dryer in the apartment complex doesn't work for beans, so I have to dry clothes on the drying rack in the kitchen. It takes most of a day to do a load of laundry, and somehow, that makes it infinitely more exhausting.

It would be worse, but we just moved in two months ago.

Aaaah. This is me, stretching, feeling free. Go figure.

I have subscribers?

2008-03-25T14:25:00.003-05:00

Imagine my shock when I realized there are four people who subscribe to my blog via bloglines.

Um, hi, guys!

I feel like I need to neaten up, or something.

Anyway.

Side 1 of the Bias Tank is done. It looks comme ca:

Yes, I know there's something of a... protuberance. A third boob, if you will. I have been assured by the folks on Ravelry that it goes away. If you've knit the correct size. This warning caused me to break out a tape-measure and see to what size the nursing had driven me. When I recovered from the horror, I cast on what should be the right size, and I should have a very slick looking top just in time for summer.

If I can keep my focus.

This sock has been my travel knitting. It's Francie, a pattern I found through Ravelry, and I thought it looked very cool...but I've been underwhelmed in the knitting. Possibly in part because the pattern makes itself sounds much harder than it is, and it's painfully unclear at points. When, exactly, am I supposed to start arch shaping? The world will never know. Meantime, however, I am completely enchanted with the yarn (more Sockittome) and have been rendered simple by the delight of waiting for the next little bit of pinky-purple.

Lucy and I hope you had a happy Easter!

Something interesting and entertaining here

2008-03-21T09:49:00.003-05:00

I've thought of numerous titles for this post, including "Monogamy is for marriages," and "I was doing so well!" but in the end, I don't know, it just suddenly seemed less funny. Possibly because life got on my case pretty bad this week, and I'm feeling a little like a punching bag.

So yeah, a case of start-itis attacked, and my house is scattered over with half-started items of various degrees. I don't even have the energy to catalogue them for you; you'll see them as I get myself back to heel and get them wrapped up.

Here, look, to distract B from what I just said:

See, I was supposed to start the new job this week, but ended up sick with this Martian Death Flu that has upended New England. Couldn't start work on Monday, couldn't work on Tuesday, so no job now until the next training cycle starts in late April. I got pretty stressed out about it, but made some peace last night when talking to Robb about it all. I said something to the effect of "I just have to believe that this is God telling me that Lucy isn't ready to be without me five days a week yet," and he gave me this big, sweet smile, and said "I'm all right with that."

We're probably going to Glens Falls for Easter, provided that my mother stops having the Martian Death Flu, and that will allow me to have purty purty pictures to show you when I get back. I will keep you up to date.

This week's official WIP is the Bias Knit top out of Veronik Avery's Classic Knitting Style. It has a great honking boob in the middle of the boobs until it blocks out properly, so I'm loathe to show you a picture just now. :)

So, um, mostly this post seems to be saying, "HELLO!"

I'll go now.

Ah! A talking muffin!

2008-03-07T09:21:00.004-05:00

Cables & Corrugations sock -- done!

Next out of the languishing WIP basket for socks will be the Friday Harbor socks I started out of Cascade Fixation about a hundred years ago. It's the purple sock in my little avatar photo, up there on the right.

After working with the soft, wonderful smoothness and luxury that is CTH Sockittome, I'm not in love with Fixation. I love the first sock -- it fits so wonderfully -- but the tension on the yarn is so strange feeling. It's like I'm never getting quite the right tension. I remember feeling this way before, and that sock fits perfectly, so I'm trying to just carry on, but I remember now why I made these socks anklets.

In adorable-baby news, Miss Lucy has started sleeping in her crib for naps. There has been much rejoicing -- it means I can actually get a small amount of housework accomplished every day, wahoo! Last night, I also put her in her crib until we went to bed. Before, I had been keeping her with me, or putting her in our bed surrounded by pillows, but she's been such a squiggleworm this week that I just feel better knowing she's in her crib where she can't accidentally fall to the floor!

We have house guests this weekend -- I've got to get to work!

Much love!

Ask...

2008-03-05T11:05:00.003-05:00

and you...

shall receive...

Not a whole lot of knitting going on in the Lucy household this week; I was stymied when I went to Mom's on Sunday for LaundryDay(tm) and I brought the WRONG IK issue to continue working on the bi-crossed cables sweater. Oops. I'm sure I'll recover soon.

I go back to work in two weeks, and I'm a little stressed, over somewhat-silly-but-not-really-silly things. How will I manage to get up, feed the baby, catch the bus (I know we are now two-car'd, but it's more environmentally friendly, less expensive, and actually more convenient with the parking downtown issue, to catch the bus) and get to work on time? Will I be able to pump enough milk to keep the Ravenous Beast (she's growth-spurting again, I think) satisfied? Will we have enough money to keep on keepin' on?

I think the answer to all of these things is "yes," but that doesn't stop this lil ole earth sign from worrying.

Also, for those of you worrying, I've gotten no extra spam from Phanfare, but I respect your concerns, and promise to be more proactive about posting baby pictures.

From top down, we have Lucy holding her Lion while Daddy holds her, Lucy taking a bath with Mama (Robb's instructions were "Take a picture of your girls without taking a picture of *my* girls"), Lucy in her turtle jammies, provided by Aunt B, Lucy learning to suck on her fingers (and not liking Daddy's big flashing box), and Lucy lifting up her head while on her belly. She held it up for about five seconds, and I took a zillion pictures, but this one is the best.

Ah, the calmness of life

2008-03-01T10:28:00.003-05:00

Yeah, right. :)

we are officially no longer a one-car household. I'm not really sure how I feel about this, and plan to compensate by taking the bus as much as humanly possible...but the truth of the matter probably is that the public transportation around here SUCKS, so it actually is very helpful to have a car so I don't have to fight with Robb about whether or not I'm driving him to work so I can get errands done. Does the fact that I'm using cloth diapers almost exclusively now off-set this two car thing at all? Someone rescue the Latte Liberal, please.

To deal with my guilt, I figured I had to go the yarn store (oh, stop. Like you expected anything else?). Sockittome is one of my favorite yarns of all time, and I just had to have more of the Kaleidoscope exclusive colorways. They got me with the old "When they're gone, they're gone!". I held my ground and only got two, even though there were six I really really really really really wanted. I swear on my knitting needles that this:

is all I got. Sockittome in Sugarbush and Mad River, a skein of K1C2's Babyboo in Pink Ice to make Saartje's Booties for Lucy before she's old enough that she'll trip and die on them (a time that suddenly seems perilously close), and a skein of Manos Silky Wool that was in the bargain bin for $6 because someone's hand slipped when they were cutting open hanks. I'm thinking, stipey hat, maybe?

Cables & Corrugations sock continues, and I'm in love. Finished the first one last night (I can't believe I'd never heard of EZ's sewn bind off last night, it's the stretchiest, most wonderful thing, and the edge looks BEAUTIFUL) and immediately cast on for the second; toe's done, and I can start working on the pattern as soon as I sit back down with it.

Today, Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. Robb's back to work, so I shall be sitting down with a baby and a sock and a good audiobook. It beats fine wine anyday. :)

FO! Cast on!

2008-02-28T09:28:00.003-05:00

So, I figured out a rule.

For every languishing project completed, I can do something new. But I have to finish the new something, and I'm not allowed to start ANOTHER new something until that new something has been finished AND another languishing something has been finished.

I still haven't come up with a concrete rule for buying yarn.

So, to keep you up to date:

Bartholomew's Tantilizing Socks -- DONE!

I first started these socks...oh, sometime before I stopped working at Borders, I think. October? November? Sometime in there. I finished one, it was way too small, I got disgusted and stopped knitting. I'd cast on for the top of the sock, but just never finished.

Ta-dah!

Of course, there is one small problem. Look at the heels of the two socks. The bottoms of the heels in particular. Look closely.

Yup. One's a reinforced heel. One's a plain heel.

Oops.

I haven't yet noticed it when I wear them; if I do, I'll figure out some clever solution that doesn't involve me reknitting the sock. Again.

So, as my reward for finishing those, I cast on:

Cables & Corrugations, out of the same book. The yarn is Cherry Tree Hill, Sockittome, in a color exclusive to my LYS, Snow Bowl.

Can I just say that I LOVE this yarn. It's a Merino/Nylon blend, and it's incredibly soft. I've no idea what is different, really, between this yarn and their supersock, but it's like all the same great colors, without the -- well, koigu-esque feeling of the supersock. It's unbelievable. I just might have to go get more.

B, stop looking at me like that. There are exclusive colors! I want them!

Oh, hush.

In cool developmental news, I saw Lucy getting excited about a toy for the first time today. She's previously really only been a people-baby, studying faces to the point that her pediatrician couldn't get her to track the little light, because Lucy was so busy staring at the doc's face. (Reason I found the right pediatrician -- the doc then bobbed and weaved until she was satisfied that Lucy was tracking just fine!).

And I'm going nuts for Ravelry. I got an invite months ago, but just couldn't get into it -- I didn't have time. Now that I do...I'm loving it.

And if any of you who read this subscribe to Audible.com -- let me know what you think of it, please?

Hugs!

I thought progress went FORWARD, not BACK.

2008-02-27T06:09:00.003-05:00

Two weeks ago, it was beautiful. Lucy was sleeping through the night. I know, I couldn't believe it either. She'd cry for about ten minutes around 7:30 or 8:00 pm, then fall asleep. She'd sleep like a rock until 11pm or so, when I got ready for bed. I'd get her changed, get her in PJs if I hadn't before she fell asleep at 8, let her nurse herself to sleep -- and wake up at 7am, rested and ready to actually live. Both of the mornings B was visiting, I actually was able to leave her in bed for another half hour to 45 minutes, and she could sleep without me there. It was astonishing.

And then, about a week ago, she started waking up in the middle of the night to feed again. For a few days it was two night feedings, and I thought I would just die. Granted, the beauty of breastfeeding and cosleeping is that the whole night feeding thing is dead simple. Realize baby is hungry. Pop out boob. Go back to sleep. Wake up periodically because her head control still isn't perfect, help her find the nipple again, go back to sleep. It doesn't take much. But still, twice means rolling over so she can get the other boob, and waking up more...so yeah, two days of it, and I was as dead as I was when I had an utterly new newborn and was on percoset. She's stopped that nonsense, but she's still waking up at 2am to eat, and then sort-of-waking-up at 5am. It's more like asleep fussing; she's kicking and whining and moving herself all around in bed. If we stay in bed, there is no solution. I can hold her and cuddle her and pat her back and play Glowworm and she just gets more stressed out. The first morning she did this (it feels like several months ago, but was probably just six weeks, since she's only, ya know, 10 weeks old) she worked herself into a screaming fit before I got the hint -- she didn't want to be in bed anymore. She'll sleep anywhere else -- the couch, her swing -- but the bed is outs. If I even try to bring her back in there, she spazzes out.

So here I am, reading blogs and Ravelry at 6am. About to commense the heel on these:

and continue listening to Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell. (Why did I resist the audio book thing for so long? You all are geniuses. GENIUSES!)

The socks, because I haven't posted about them in months, are the Bartholomew's Tantilizing Socks from Cat Bordhi's New Pathways for Sock Knitters. I read a fair amount of criticism on this book in the out-there because you have to flip around a bit sometimes for the patterns. Example -- in this sock pattern, the pattern is on page 27 -- but when you get to the heel, the book refers you to the "Master Reinforced Heel" which is on page 138 or something, and then the heel directions remind you to reexamine the cw and ssk/cw technique from page 14 or so. You go back to the pattern on page 27 for the foot, and then are directed off to page 140 or whatever for the toe construction. I get why this annoys people; it makes the sock less of a travel project, unless you have handy access to a photocopier just to copy those pages (because you, of course, own your own copy of the book). To me, it's awesome, though. If the fates are good, I may soon be embarking on a design project for a friend, and it's cool to have these "master" patterns out there, so that when I want to figure out how to do something, I don't have to remember which pattern the heel or the toe I liked was in, and then extract the heel info from the pattern.

It works for me. :)

O Blessed Peace

2008-02-24T19:56:00.003-05:00

For the first time in -- okay, well, just since this morning, but still -- Lucy is asleep. Completely, totally, 100% asleep.

I don't expect it to last, but I can hope.

She's ten weeks old today, and I may end up going back to work -- not the Bookstore'o'evil, but work all the same -- as soon as next week. So, for the benefit of those who might be taking care of her, I'm trying to get Miss Lucy onto some kind of schedule.

This is, so far, like herding chickens. But she slept 5 whole minutes unattended in her crib today. It's better than the zero minutes she'd done before that.

She's in our bed now, surrounded by pillows, with the Chant album playing. Monitor on. Mom having silent fits of worry every time there's a squeak. I'm sure you know how it goes.

So I'm here to tell you about knitting. :)

One of my best friends, B, (you may remember her from last April) came to visit for the weekend. We unpacked and (dear god, can I say it?) organized the stash. Seriously. All the sock yarn has its own bin, wherein it's been organized by color. By the way, B? You were right both about me being too chicken to put away the yarn we bought, and that I'd start the EZ Pie Are Square shawl (instructions in the most recent VK) as soon as you were out the door. Actually, no, I did finish both pairs of socks like I promised. But then?

Ah, the monster wakes. Back later!

In the Spirit of the New Year

2008-02-11T16:10:00.000-05:00

Ladies, I have seen something terrible.

It happened while I was moving. While my guard was down. I saw it.

All of it.

In one place.

My stash.

All of it.

Oh my.

And I know that I don't have anywhere NEAR as much yarn as some people who are reading this. I know I don't have anything LIKE the amount of yarn that I've seen in other people's houses...but I don't have a house. I have a two bedroom apartment, and a sudden influx of clothes that belong to someone much tinier than me, who, nevertheless, is occupying a surprising amount of area.

It gave me a case of -- you won't believe this -- finishitis.

I know.

I cleaned out the project basket. I didn't take pictures of all the things I took to the frog pond, but let's just say that I saved $50 in needles I don't need to buy after all. And, I found half a dozen things that I'm ashamed aren't done.

See this?

Just needed a picture taken and put here so that it could be officially considered done.

See this one?

Finished it last week, it just needed to be seamed and have the buttons (rescued from Grandma's button box) sewn on.

This one's the really shameful one.

Finished TWO SUMMERS AGO. Seamed up and everything. Just needed to sew on the buttons. And I'm not sure why the one front is longer than the other in this picture -- it doesn't look like that in real life. Oh well.

There's more. There's a sweater that just needs to be cut and finished STILL only now I need the yarn to finish it (and I have to make up an edging, but that's practically nothing, and I'm seriously considering binding tape, just to finish the cursed thing, it's been sitting in the basket since college). There's a scarf that's blocking on the floor so it can be drive-by'd to my doctor tomorrow morning (thanks for taking such good care of me and my uterus present). There's a pair of knit pants that I made for Lucy that just need to get seamed and have elastic sewn into the waistband.

I'm trying hard to finish some things before I start anything new. But there's some cascade lace that's just begging me to find it some Kid Silk Haze to play with...it might win, we'll see what happens.

Take care!

Still alive

2008-02-02T19:49:00.000-05:00

I remembered/rediscovered today that if I make sure music is playing, Lucy is a lot more content to be in her swing, giving me both time to unpack, and also time to knit.

I still haven't taken pictures of what I've been working on, though, so I won't bore you. Tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow.

Meantime, if you'd like to be able to see my photographs of her, comment with your email; Phanfare changed how they're doing things, so now you need to be "connected" to me in order to view my Lucy-and-knitting pictures on Phanfare. I'll still post things here, of course.

And, finally -- the beast is stirring, and she is hungry -- an offering for Silent Poetry Reading:

THESE were our children who died for our lands: they were dear in our sight.
We have only the memory left of their home-treasured sayings and laughter.
The price of our loss shall be paid to our hands, not another’s hereafter.
Neither the Alien nor Priest shall decide on it. That is our right.
But who shall return us the children ?

At the hour the Barbarian chose to disclose his pretences,
And raged against Man, they engaged, on the breasts that they bared for us,
The first felon-stroke of the sword he had long-time prepared for us—
Their bodies were all our defense while we wrought our defenses.

They bought us anew with their blood, forbearing to blame us,
Those hours which we had not made good when the judgment o'ercame us.
They believed us and perished for it. Our statecraft, our learning
Delivered them bound to the Pit and alive to the burning
Whither they mirthfully hastened as jostling for honour—
Not since her birth has our Earth seen such worth loosed upon her.

Nor was their agony brief, or once only imposed on them.
The wounded, the war-spent, the sick received no exemption
Being cured they returned and endured and achieved our redemption,
Hopeless themselves of relief, till Death, marvelling, closed on them.

That flesh we had nursed from the first in all cleanness was given
To corruption unveiled and assailed by the malice of Heaven—
By the heart-shaking jests of Decay where it lolled on the wires—
To be blanched or gay-painted by fumes—to be cindered by fires—
To be senselessly tossed and retossed in stale mutilation
From crater to crater. For this we shall take expiation.
But who shall return us our children ?

--Rudyard Kipling

According to the story, this was written upon hearing of the Armistice between England and Germany in the First World War. Kipling's son died late in the war; especially awful because John was classified 4F, but Kipling pulled strings to get him in.

Quickie

2008-01-14T21:18:00.000-05:00

To say that I survived the new year.

And we got the new place.

And a team of Grandmas arrived and packed the old apartment. The Grandpas showed up to help us move.

I know where my yarn is, but am too tired to pick up the needles.

And the "p" button on my keyboard was damaged in the move. Weird.

Finally online again, though.

In a few days, I will get my life together, and I will show more pictures. :)

Until then.

Oops, what happened to my life?

2007-12-30T21:28:00.001-05:00

Okay, I'm being facetious. I know exactly where my life went. Here:

With my adorable, sweet, wonderful little girl. But it keeps shocking me, just how far gone I am in love with her. My house kinda smells, I should be packing (we found a new place and will be moving as early as the 4th or as late at the 7th of January), grandmas keep stopping by wanting to hold the baby...but I just kinda carry on. Loving her. With all my heart. And hoping and praying for the day she starts sleeping through the night. Although I got my first real dose of terror this morning when, for the first time since she was born she didn't wake up fussy at 4am. I woke up at 4:27 am convinced she must be dead and rolled over in a panic to see which of us had killed her to find that she was totally asleep -- or had been until I rolled over in a panic and woke her up. Sigh.

There's been very little knitting here at Chez Lucy, since knitting requires two hands, and she likes to be held quite a lot, thank you very much. I have one thing to share that I made as Christmas present for my little nephew at my father's family:

A snowman hat for Sam, out of Berocco's Love It. The yarn was the right color, the price was right, and I have enough left over for one hat for Lucy, if I stripe it right, or two hats for Lucy, if I buy another skein of coordinating yarn.

I already showed off the socks for Amy's little ones, Lily and Vinnie (Lily is only three months older than Lucy, and they are both destined to grow up at Poppy and Grandma's as "Lily-I mean Lucy-I mean STOP THAT!"), and I apparently did not take pictures of the hats I made for Molly (a bunny ear hat out of Berocco Chincilla) and Tessa (a plain hat with little crocheted rosettes on top out of some stash wool... Manos, I think).

This was actually a great stash busting holiday, as the only yarn I had to buy was for Sam's hat. Go me!

If you haven't gotten enough of Miss Lucy, check out my photosite, where it's practically-all-Lucy, nearly all of the time.

Much love.

P.S. -- Yesterday was my birthday. I'm 28 now. Go me!

Dear World:

2007-12-20T09:44:00.000-05:00

Dear World:

I am pleased to announce the arrival of Miss Lucy Joy Diana. She has Robb's last name, which you either, ya know, know or don't. It's all good.

Miss Lucy was born Sunday morning at 9:04am. Labor kicked in around 12:30 am with some wussy contractions (as much as contractions really ever count as wussy). By 1am I was thinking "No way after just starting that I'm having contractions 7 minutes apart." By 2am it was "4 minutes? Seriously?" Of course, there was a huge snowstorm starting, so I woke up Robb, we called my doctor, and were off to the hospital.

Side note: vomiting during a contraction is the worst thing ever. Ever. It beats vomiting with diharrea, vomiting with strep throat, any of that. Worst Thing Ever.

The labor, taking off so fast, was very intense. I lucked out and got the "Tub Room" at the hospital, and got to spend several hours in very warm water. It was super good. I was 4cm when I walked through the door, something that impressed the heck out of the nursing staff.

After about two hours, though my pressures started to jump up, and they started having trouble finding my little girl's heartbeat. When they could find it, it was irregular, going too fast during some contractions, too slow during others. By 7am, I think there were ten non-family people in my room, all trying to make us better so we could continue with our natural birth plan. But it was not meant to be. By about 8:30, they'd broken my water to get better fetal monitoring, both of her heartbeat and of the contractions, which meant I was on my back and in total agony. I'd've needed an epidural to continue to labor, but they realized her heartbeat was dropping AFTER every contraction, not DURING or BEFORE, and we were getting prepped for a c-section.

The surgery went beautifully, and Robb got to be there, and hold the baby for me while they stitched me up. As soon as I was stable, the put her right on my chest and covered us up so we could have some time together.

I hemorraged twice after the surgery, almost needed a transfusion (but didn't, in the end, because even though my crit was low, I was asymptomatic, so they decided it wasn't worth the risk of blood products, but I had to swear to take vitamins with iron), and got to go home yesterday morning. Miss Lucy is unbelievably healthy, and I'm doing surprisingly well -- both my nurses, one of the residents, and the lactation consultant commented that there are mothers who give vaginal births that don't recover as well as I have done.

I think the best part of all of this is watching Robb fall utterly in love with his little girl. She adores him, turns toward him when he talks, and he loves her back. I could not be happier. I am not even upset about the loss of the natural birth -- I bitch a lot about how c-sections are unnecessary a lot of the time, how they can hurt mothers and so on and so forth...but mine saved lives. Probably not mine, but hers for sure. My doc was pretty sure that what happened was that the dancing back and forth with preeclampsia damaged the placenta; it held up fine throughout the pregnancy, but during the stress of labor, couldn't supply my baby with enough oxygen. By the time they got her out, she was covered with meconium, and they had to suction out her lungs and stomach. If my doctor had dilly-dallied, if I'd fought to keep laboring -- I might not have had this beautiful little girl here with me.

All the good pictures were taken by the grammas, or are on my phone. I'll work on getting them up on the photosite, and let you know when they're there. In the meantime, please say hello to my little Lucy!

Hello, blogland

2007-12-12T18:54:00.001-05:00

I am still pregnant.

I get emails from various people asking on a regular basis. My mother is calling twice a day to find out if "anything's happening." It's all very gently entertaining. I'm trying not to be stressed.

My gut feeling is that it won't be too much longer, but I have no medical evidence to support this fact. We'll see what happens.

I've actually been knitting some! I have these to show you:

These are the Better Than Booties Baby Socks; the pattern is free on the Interweave Knits website, and mine are knit from the leftovers of Blue Moon Fiber Arts Seduction that Tammy sent me many moons ago. I loves them, I do. The bindoff went a little haywire due to the cats suddenly deciding to slaughter each other and running away with my knitting, but if you can't see it from a galloping horse...

These two are for the other two little babies in my life; my step-sister just had twins back in October, and they should be just about sized right for now -- it's kinda scary that her twins are hitting newborn size just about as mine is likely to be born. Oh my goodness! Both of these patterns are as-written out of Cat Bordhi's New Pathways; I still love the book. Some people have expressed frustration with the way you have to flip around to find the bind off here and the cast on there and the heel construction here, but it works out for me; I figure once I get the hang of it, I won't even notice. And it certainly allowed her to condense a lot more information into the book, so I'll live with it.

The top pair are out of Frog Tree Alpaca; the bottom pair of Cashsoft DK, with Be Sweet boucle baby mohair for the "laces".

Other projects I need to finish by Christmas: three hats out of the Itty Bitty Hats book (yes, Karin, I know I protested that I'd never use that darned book again, and I still have some reservations, but the Bunny Ear hat is so adorable! And the Snowman hat! Oh my goodness!) And the cool thing is that I shouldn't have to buy any yarn for Christmas presents, other than for the snowman hat, because the other two hats I'm going to make -- well, one is almost done, and was knit from some stashed Chincilla, and the other will be knit from an as-yet-undisclosed stash yarn. Undisclosed because I haven't made up my mind yet. :)

Not giving to any of the grown-ups this year...still need to think of a couple of books to buy for my cousins...I'm officially *that person* in my family, and it would be easy, except that these three siblings have passed down all the books I've given them, so not only do I have to remember what I gave Emily and Erin last year, I also have to remember what I gave Connor when he was eight...five years ago...so I always try and get whatever just came out in paperback. I'm usually safe that way. :)

Finished my ridiculously expensive and impossible-to-wash Berocco baby blanket, the one that will (I hope) be heartlessly destroyed and loved within an inch of its life...I also received a gorgeous blanket that I haven't managed to take a good picture of (it needs sunlight, and the sun hides every time I take out my camera). But, I'll get a good picture when I can, and let me publicly say -- "B!! I love it! Did you knit it yourself? It's wonderful!"

I'm sorry to be so boring lately...life is just very...well. Calm, with an undertone of "Um. Now? Please? Anytime now would be fine." We're trying to find a new place to live, so we know whether or not we need to start packing, and everything else is kind of up in the air subjected to that. Frustrating, but there we are. And, as I started this post out by saying, I am so full of baby that, according to Robb, I even smell like baby.

Oh well. I suppose it could be worse. :)

Much love.

Baby Shower Part II, Electric Boogaloo

2007-12-03T07:05:00.000-05:00

So, yesterday was the laugh I needed. I've hit the part of my grief process where all I want to do is sleep, and Saturday, sleep I did. I think I napped two out of every four hours, and still went to sleep for another 6 at night. Crazy crazy crazy talk.

Sunday was the baby shower thrown by my step-mother and step-sisters-in-law. Mary Jane (my stepmom) had offered to postpone, but I asked her not to; I really needed the day out. It was great; lots of lovely gifts (aka phat l00tz) followed by laughing like crazy as the ladies ran through all the champagne in my father's house in the form of mimosas, and then, when the champagne ran out, they switched to screwdrivers. It was hysterical, and tremendously fun, and I feel a little more alive today.

There's snow on the ground and more falling from the sky. It's a beautiful day out. I'll take pictures when the sun comes up as much as it will in the middle of a snowfall like this. I'm glad Robb has the day off, so we can snuggle up against the cold and just enjoy the day. Or, ya know, play Guitar Hero 3, my early Christmas present. Whatever.

Not tons of knitting going on right now, partially because every time I sit down I fall asleep, and partially because I'm just getting impatient for the baby's arrival, and everything that makes me think of "It could still be a little while" just makes me irritable. I know, it makes no sense. But there we are.

I'll find a picture of something knit for tomorrow, I promise.

In the meantime, much love, and if there's snow where you are, enjoy it! Alison, it's too powdery right now for a snowball, but I promise I will as soon as I can.

Saying goodbye

2007-12-01T08:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday afternoon, about 5pm, I got the call that my Aunt Diane had passed away in the respite house, after her five year battle with different kinds of cancer. Started with breast cancer in 2002, when they removed some lymph nodes and did some radiation. She seemed to be in recovery for a lot of years, but two years ago, she developed a kind of leukemia that just isn't very pleasant. Really, her survival for this long is a miracle in and of itself, and as much as I can truly ask of my deity of choice; we didn't think she'd make it through last Christmas, much less this one.

She went peacefully, in the end, with her children and her sisters there with her. She said her only regret was not getting to meet my baby, and I told her in no uncertain terms that I expected her to be there for my delivery, watching over me, regardless of what sort of body she had in order to get there. She'll take care of me, I know, I have no fear of that.

And I hope that, in the next life, she can find more peace than she had in this one.

I don't like asking for good thoughts for myself, but...

2007-11-28T14:21:00.001-05:00

went to the doc again today (oh the joys of late pregnancy and frequent office visits) and my blood pressure was high again, still protein in places there shouldn't be. I got to go to Labor and Delivery this time for non-stress test monitor, more pee tests, more blood tests. Everything looks fine, but...but...

They want me to stay pregnant until 39 weeks, which is only a week and a day from now, and then if my pressures stay high, they'll probably want to induce me. That's not the biggest deal. But still.

Any good thoughts you can spare would be appreciated.

Thanks muchly.

Thank you to the universe

2007-11-27T19:57:00.000-05:00

For that day when I got stubborn and made my mom and step-dad come over and put in railings on the basement stairs, rather than trying to force my landlord into it (a lost cause, regardless of the law. I also don't have storm windows, a hardwired CO2 detector, or proper insulation.

If I did not have railings, I'm pretty sure we'd be on our way to the ER right now.

At it is, my toes on my right foot hurt, I bruised a finger, and scraped my arm. This is a much, much better alternative.

Thanks, God. Thumbs up to you. :)

Love,

me

"Hey, 'Shell, I think I'm a housewife..."

2007-11-27T07:51:00.000-05:00

Bonus points if you can identify that song. B, if this isn't a gimme for you, I'm ashamed of you.

So, finished work on Saturday. Hoorah! Bosslady still needs to learn about boundaries, as she was trying to talk work with me on Sunday, when I was in shopping for "employee appreciation" (i.e. please spend money! Have 40% off!). I dumped her on a customer and made a break for the door. She says she'll call me. We'll see if I answer the phone.

So, it's been an exciting week in knitting world, as I've finally managed to actually pick up my needles again after a long break. I have a few irons in the fire, but here's what I want to show off right now:

I got Cat Bordhi's new book.

Oh. My. Goodness. This is like sock knitter paradise. This is like having someone say "Yes, I know the sky is blue *most* days, but what about the days its gray? Or kind of steel? or that funny purple color around the edges? Don't those days count too?"

I'm in love with this book. I want to knit every pair of socks in here, especially the baby socks. Mom's already been pointing at a couple of different things and saying "Ooo. I like those. Oh, I really like those. Ooo, THOSE are really nice!"

So yesterday, skipping the class socks (I'm such a rebel), I cast on for these. Yarn is Fleece Artist Merino (I assume it's the 2/6, it's the stuff everyone sells as sock yarn, anyway, and I got mine at The Loopy Ewe before everyone in the world figured out how great the shop was and now I can't ever find the fun stuff in stock before crazy people with ten times as much stash as I have have already snapped it up (not that I can afford anything right now anyway). The colorway was listed as Renaissance. The needles are Addi Turbos, size...0, I believe. I default down a size in needles always. I probably could have gone down one more and gotten a slightly closer gauge on these, but I'll just make the foot a teeny bit short, and all will be well in the end. It's the exact opposite of how I knit socks for Alison, actually.

But truly. Cat Bordhi's never set my hair on fire before. Socks on two circs...okay. The yucky looking self-published books...okay. Great. Thanks. I'm off with Nancy Bush, thank you. Until that vogue knitting sock issue, with the sock knit from two strands of trekking. Those...wow. In love. So totally in love. And if I remember correctly, those socks had a strange architecture...you started toe up, and you knit the increases in a v on top of the foot. There's a similar pattern in the New Pathways book. And I was enchanted with them, and the fit, and way they were rethought.

And this entire book is like that.

So, the first socks are the Sky Architecture socks, the ones straight out of the first picture, I forget the name of the pattern and am too lazy to walk across the room today. They are for me me me and I'm knitting them because when visiting my Aunt Diane in the hospital last week, I remembered just how COLD hospitals tend to get, and I thought "socks will be nice." And then when I was cleaning the bedroom, a pair of suede slipper bottoms fell from the sky (or at least I don't recall buying them, EVER) and I thought -- how perfect. Now I can make myself lovely warm socks that won't slip on the yucky blucky linoleum. It's a good day.

For those tracking the personal news -- baby and I are still healthy. My blood pressure spiked up a little bit last week, and since it was the holiday and the docs were playing it conservative, I won an all expenses NOT paid trip to the lab to find out if I was developing preeclampsia. Answer: no. Good! It wouldn't be a huge deal at this point anyway, they'd just induce me rather than waiting for me to go into labor naturally, but still...scary. Meanwhile, my aunt is doing pretty poorly. She's been moved to the Respite House, since there's nothing more the doctors can think of to try. I didn't even know that leukemia can attack your skin, but she's covered in welts the size of blueberries that are apparently related to what the leukemia is doing to her blood. She says they don't hurt once they come up, just when they're starting to happen, they itch and burn and feel awful. She says she'd still like very much to be here to see my baby, and do I think I can see if I can make it happen this week?

I smiled and hugged her and tried not to cry. If she isn't physically here, I know she'll be watching over me while I labor, but that thought is both a comfort and a sadness that is unfathomable in both directions.

Much love.

One more month.

2007-11-14T18:48:00.001-05:00

To the more-or-less date.

We're not talking about the possibility of late babies around here. As far as I'm concerned, December 13th is a late baby, as I was originally promised that I would be due December 6th, and was therefore planning a late date of the 13th. So, um, yeah. Plus, this kid is totally a Sagitarius (the only thing that calms my stomach when it's in a rage is spicy food), so she has to be born before December 20th, right?

Despite the number of people commenting on how "cute" it would be to have a Christmas baby, I know better. I was born December 28th. I've never had a proper birthday in my life, and most everyone, if they remember my birthday in their Christmas haze at all, sends a joint Christmas-birthday present. Hmph. At least, if I can birth the kid in mid-December, she'll have a fighting chance of being remembered. I think you have to be better off in the ramp-up than in the let down.

7 more days of work. Then my leave begins. This means that I'm taking a hit with a couple of unpaid days but -- and you can say this with me if you want -- I. Don't. Care. I'm not concerned about the money, Robb and I still have a significant portion socked away, and I just can't survive the work of labor and newborn-ness if I'm running around frantically at work. Although, who knows, maybe I'll report my new-and-improved pelvic pain to my doc on Friday and she'll decide I need bedrest. I wouldn't complain about that. But even if she doesn't, that's a mere 42 hours left in that stupid building. My new boss is no better than the old one, and is possibly even worse.

So, November 25th, I'm free. I will curl up and knit tiny things and putter around the house and take walks and watch Planet Earth again. And again. And maybe again. And I'll be a little more rested for when it comes time to welcome my little one into the world.

I knit one pair of baby pants out of some Knitpicks Shine I had lying around, and then started a second pair that are more fun. I will fiddle around and show them to you tomorrow I suspect.

I posted more pics of stash and -- goddess help me -- some WIPs on the photosite.

I also found some really wonderful new tea -- Lipton's white tea with pomegranate and blueberry. I think it's funny that the box says something like "with real blueberries!" because it made me think "And fake pomegranate?"

I think that's all of my news.

Erm...yes. :)

Smiles.

I don't want to hear one stinkin' word...

2007-11-08T15:24:00.000-05:00

...about nesting.

Robb already said his fill while laughing at me.

The fact that I want the stash to be organized is nothing to comment on. I can't imagine why you would. Not at all.

If you want to see the newest level of insanity that I've hit, check out my photo site. And no, of course that isn't all of it. It's a start. I can see what I have (and I found two skeins of Lisa Souza's yarn that I was starting to suspect had somehow been lost). I need to figure out how it can go back into the closet and be organized there, as well. I'm really not sure how that's going to happen.

What will be really scary is if I start photographing WIPs. That would make me start being a bit more honest about where all my knitting needles are, huh?

Meantime, I'm off to knit Lenore. I want my second sock done, please. :)

There will possibly be more photoshoot later. I'm not terribly concerned about color authenticity, I don't really want to sell anything (that I've found so far), this is more for me to start being more aware of what I have so that I can a.) not feel guilty when I want something I really really don't possess already and b.) stop myself when I want something that is exactly like three things I already own.

It's a good theory, anyway.

Much love.

Bad Knitter! Bad!

2007-11-02T06:41:00.000-05:00

Red Sox socks: Finished.

They fit the recipient quite well (and it's a mark of how swollen my poor feets are that they also fit me perfectly). Plus, according to all, they played a significant role in the Red Sox winning their second championship this decade, so that particular someone had just better love them. :)

But, what did I do when these were done? Did I pick out another pair of half done socks from the basket that lives under the living room table? Did I leap immediately into a second sock, knowing that with my sock urge needing to be scratched, and that it was a perfect time to complete a pair that had been stymieing me for more than a year?

Just what blog do you think you're reading here?

Did I, in fact, cast on for Lenore with needles that were probably a titch too small, but were available, and when I realized that gauge just wasn't going to work, even for stretchy lacy socks, did I reach into the basket and rip the needles out of a second sock that has been on hiatus since last June or so?

Yep, that's the me you know and love. I'm showing enough restraint with all the things I've not done since I got pregnant. There is no need to add "knitting" to the restricted list.

I'm in love with this sock. The color shown above is pretty crap, but it's a rainy day outside, brightening the indoor lights just made the purple show up garishly, which it really really isn't. It's this subtle thread running through, breaking up the solid black of the sock, making it just that little bit of flirty goth, instead of emo-I-cut-myself-for-you-goth. There's some implication in the newsletter that came with the sock kit that this is a series of colors...if so, I can't wait to see the rest of them!

Let's see, life updates...second birthing class was much more useful. The first one was "why you want a natural birth," which I feel like I get, or else I wouldn't be there. The second was more "things you can do to get a natural birth," and that was much more useful. The yoga section focussed on things and positions your partner can help you be in to be comfortable while having contractions, and I know Robb appreciated that part a lot more. He also got kudos from the other guys because it was our turn to bring a snack and he put his foot down at the grocery store, insisting that we get some crazy jalapeno cheese that was a HUGE hit with the men-folk. So, all in all, success.

Baby is very healthy; she's more or less in position, head down, turned to the side, which is all good...I'm feeling cozy about all of this, because I feel like I'm ready, and she's acting like she's ready, so I'm not scared of the birth-part, and I know that's the most important thing. I don't know that it'll be fun, but I do hope it will be exhilarating and empowering. One really meaningful thing someone said to me early on in my pregnancy was birth was incredibly intense, but that the trick was not believing everyone else who told you that it was painful, because the intensity didn't have to translate into PAIN in the sense that you're going to rip apart, fall apart, or be torn apart. I've focussed on that difference between pain and intensity for awhile, meditating on it in my quiet way. I'll let ya know how it works out for me!

Now, the sad news...my Aunt Diane, briefly in remission, once more has leukemia cells circulating in her blood stream. This time, there's nothing they can do. So, we might have weeks, maybe a month...I feel broken hearted over this, I wanted so badly for her to see my baby, but for me to wish for that right now might be to wish my little girl into the world premature, and I know my aunt wouldn't want that of us. So we'll go visit this afternoon, and we'll trust in the wisdom of the universe, and if necessary, I'll remember that she'll have the best view of all the day my baby comes into the world.

Do me a favor today? Go love someone, okay?

Thanks.

Two weeks? Again?

2007-10-29T14:47:00.000-05:00

Seriously, how does so much time go by? I don't understand it at all.

In the past two weeks, I've become more and more convinced that I won't return to my current job after my leave is over, more and more convinced that I'm going to do okay at this mom thing, and more and more convinced that I need more sleep.

Especially the last one.

Robb & I went to our first childbirth class...I don't know that we exactly learned anything, but it's reassuring. Session #2 is tonight, with luck it will be more...I don't know, I'll think about it and be clearer later.

I got the prettiest thing in the mail today.

I've been a member of the Socks that Rock club for almost two years. It's one of the few things that I've joined impulsively that I haven't regretted. Other things (i.e. Ravelry) have bored my, well, socks off. The STR club has been...awesome. I've gotten great sock patterns, exposure to colors I'd never pick for myself. Good stuff.

Today's color though, takes the cake. The pie. The everything-but-the-girl. I have to tell you first that I opened the package and thought o...kay. Why do I have black yarn? And then I pulled the skein out of the package and realized it wasn't black, it was raven.

Don't believe me? See for yourself.

And yes, they put on the spiders.

Is that not gorgeous? I couldn't believe how lovely it was...I pet it for the longest time. I haven't knit many of the patterns this year, not through any malice, just because I've had other things on my mind. There are half finished socks EVERYWHERE but none that I can actually, ya know, put on my feet and WEAR.

But these. These will be cast on as soon as I can free up the needles.

Meanwhile...

THE RED SOX WON THE WORLD SERIES FOR THE SECOND TIME IN MY LIFETIME!!!!

Sorry if that got a little bit out of control just then. But really!

And what was I doing while the Red Sox were kicking Colorado's heiny? I was knitting. Socks, of course. I needed something to do with my hands during Game 1, and then they won, so if I'd tried to show up without the socks, I'd've been sent home again for them.

These are for Robb. I offered to reverse-stockinette an 07 into them, but he gave me a goofy look and said "Do you really think I wouldn't remember when you knit them for me?" Awww.... The yarn is Gendarme, by Lisa Souza, plain Sock! if memory serves. I bought this at the same time that I bought the skein Lisa dyed special for me in the same colors but slightly more superman-y proportions. Robb says these are just as superman-y, plus they are also now Red Sox socks. Just a plain vanilla sock, I don't even use a pattern anymore, cast on 72 stitches and go to town. Heel is eye-of-the-whichever-bird, kitchener'd toe.

You should have seen everyone when I finished the toe in the 5th inning. I had to not weave in the ends so as to avoid Red Sox superstitions.

Okay, it's our turn to bring snacks to class, so we have to go to the store now...see you later, when I will whine and fuss about not being able to find the pattern for the baby sweater I'm working on!

Much love.

Taking a trip

2007-10-14T18:33:00.001-05:00

Okay, not much of a trip, but my friend Melissa unknowingly decided to lift me out of my missing-Stitches funk by insisting that we were going to Waterbury, VT, to see the foliage and the Cabot cheese outlet and the Cold Hollow Cider Mill. I managed to get a third Saturday in a row off (go me!) and we took off.

It was so gorgeous, I can't even tell you. People who visit VT always tell me "You live in such a beautiful place," but you're almost forced to be jaded by it if you live here. It's like some sort of secret club requirement. If you stop and stare at the changing foliage, you're not REALLY a Vermonter. And for someone who's family has lived here for generations, it's an important distinction, between us and the flatlanders who just got here a mere two or three generations ago.

So, for a day, I played tourist. I got the best apple cider donuts I've ever had in my life, enough fresh, local jam to last me this year and half of next (four jars, and I refuse to open the next one until I've finished the one I'm on, because otherwise I will literally starve while I debate raspberry vs strawberry), these unbelievable maple sugar candies, some fantastic cheese that I should have gotten more of, a bottle of Mac Jack hard cider for when I'm not pregnant anymore... and a fantastic day with a good friend.

And some awesome pictures. In the sense of, at least for me, inspiring awe.

Without comment (except to say that the one with the old, swaybacked barn perfectly describes what I feel Vermont is), because I think they speak for themselves.

Yarn Snob

2007-10-12T07:22:00.000-05:00

So, here's the thing.

I call myself a yarn snob frequently. I don't like the feel of Caron or Red Heart between my fingers. I like wool, cashmere, silk, hemp, linen. Fibers that grew somewhere on the earth, not just in the bones of dinosaurs. I'm okay with this about myself. It means that I have less yarn that some people I know, because the stuff I like is expensive (though not as expensive as it was when I started knitting a lot in college -- the options have expanded wildly since then), it means that I don't tend to knit adult sized sweaters or blankets, and instead have fallen in love with the intricacy of a cabled sock, the delicate nature of a fair isle glove.

But suddenly, this label has been turned against me by a couple of people I care about. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Because even though I'm a self-labeled yarn snob, I've always been very careful to specify that I'm a snob about what *I* knit. If you want to knit an entire house of sweaters out of Redheart, and that works for you, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, have a party! Please, for goodness sakes, don't let me get in your way. Knitting is about what we ENJOY, what we LOVE...and if you don't love it, then what the hell's the point? Alternatively, if you do love it, let no one in the world gainsay you -- least of all, little old me!

I've received no less than three hand knit gifts for the baby so far. Well, technically, the afghan that Joyce's mom made was for me, too, but we all know who that gigantic cabled beauty was REALLY for. So, acrylic afghan from Mary, acrylic yellow dress from Mary (picture is on the phanfare link from last post, I'll get a better picture as I put the clothes away and come across it again, promise!), and the sweet bootie and bonnet set that Ranee sent. If I were really a yarn snob, I'd detest Mary's presents and love Ranee's, right? (and Ranee, I'm sorry to use you as an example here, but you'll understand in a mo). But that's not the case. I LOVE EVERY ONE OF THESE THINGS without regard to the material they were made from. Why?

Because someone took time out of their busy day, their hectic world, to make something for me. For my little tiny person who doesn't officially all the way exist yet. Someone stopped and said, "I want to surround that little being with enough love and magic and miracles that they'll know how warm and precious and treasured they are from their very first moment on the earth." I don't give a crap what material you chose to express that sentiment with -- from the aunt who sent a Borders gift card, to the cashmere booties, I except and appreciate and adore every single expression of true love given to my baby. Even the frilly panted outfits that make my inner-quasi-feminist want to snarl (why oh why do women, even tiny women, still need ruffles on their ass? I don't understand it!) because they're not to my personal taste...the fact is that people thought of me, of Robb, of our little one, and they cared enough to try and help. What kind of a person would I be if I rejected those gifts?

So why am I ranting about this today? Because not once, but twice before the shower, I had someone that I love and adore approach me and say that they would have made me something, but I was such a snob about yarn that they didn't think it was worth it for them to waste their time, because I would hate what they would make. Because they wouldn't spend a lot on the yarn.

I was so flabbergasted both times something like this happened that I just couldn't defend myself. I don't think it would have done much good anyway. But it stung. It really stung. It has stung for a week. I keep going back to it, turning those moments over, wondering what, exactly, I did wrong to make my friends think that I loved their time and their effort so little. Or do they not value their time and their love enough, thinking that it's only the monetary value of the gift that's worthwhile, not understanding that the least of handmade gifts can transcend the most expensive of store bought ones? Is it their own lack of experience in this realm that makes them concerned?

I don't know, and it leaves me at a loss. I invite your thoughts. Tell your friends to come and tell me what they think. I don't get it. I really don't.

The baby shower

2007-10-11T17:46:00.000-05:00

Well, I survived the experience. Which somewhat surprised me. I'm not good at all-women events. I tend to say things that seem perfectly sensible to me, but leave everyone else staring at me...and it just...well.

For pictures, go here. I handed someone else my digital camera and let them go to town. I've got a few other pictures from other people I'll add as I get time.

I had more to say, but my brain just went bleeeeeergh and it's all gone now.

I'm bummed out...I was supposed to be in Washington DC this weekend, hanging out with Alison and B and going to Stitches. But we couldn't afford it, and I had to give up having the four day weekend, and...and...

Sad.

Oh well. I'll manage. I always do. :)

Think good apartment thoughts for me...we really need a better place to live.

Much love!

Life...

2007-10-06T07:43:00.001-05:00

...yes, life, that's my ass. I see you've got your footballing boots on, so go ahead, give it a good kick.

The past two weeks...I don't know what it is about them. I think ultimately the problem is that insomnia plus raging hormones was a pretty poorly planned combination (are you listening to me, God? You reading this?) especially when you consider that there's a poor spouse who's just trying to hang on for dear life and surf the waves until the next two months or so have gone by.

Poor Robb. I am totally making up for having been relatively level for the first six months of this pregnancy. I am turning into a screeching, name-calling, flipping out kind of woman, for no reason at all. He's not in the most stable place himself, really, looking for a job, feeling guilty because he's not feeling like he's supporting his family (we're fine, really, it's just less fun than it's been for a long time, especially since I want to buy everything under the sun, first to make myself feel pretty and second to dress up my adorable little baby). We've had a lot of conversations about what we want, what we need, what we're going to do for my maternity leave and after, and we're financially solvent, even if he doesn't find a job until April or so. After that, things could get very hairy, but I have complete faith in him. He is not adding to my stress, no matter what every one else seems to think.

What is adding to my stress is my stupid, stupid job. The Boss left on that Thursday, and then my DM went on vacation. Um. Okay. Except for the part where he actively promised my co-manager and I that he would not leave us in exactly this situation -- where it's her and I trying to run the store and not go insane. We're both starting to eye the door in a spectacularly unhealthy fashion. I've been putting out applications at random, just to see what's out there...because I don't know if I can continue to hack this. I'm so damned tired, so ... ugh.

IN KNITTING NEWS! I unbound the edge of the blankie, did the blue stripe and found out...I didn't have enough yarn.

I thought about ripping back. I thought about buying more yarn (about $30 more, because I'd need another skein of each color). I thought about how unsatisfied I was with the narrow length v width of the blanket.

And then I remembered that I'm not one of those crazy perfectionist knitters. I let the blue stripe be a little less wide than all the other stripes. I proceeded on to the yellow and had exactly enough yarn. It's a sign. When I finish this thing, if someone catches the narrow blue stripe, seriously, I will give them a dollar.

Meantime, go check out my photo site. Tell me what you think. Phanfare is my favorite for just looking like a photo album; it's not trying to get me to join communities or post pictures in obscure contests...it's just "here's your pictures, ma'am." Thank you, Phanfare. :)

I'm going to go waddle off, find some breakfast, and wait for it to be time for my baby shower. I have to play silly games about tasting baby food in order to get the presents I was promised. I'm okay with that. :)

Smiles,

K

I have no knitting.

2007-10-03T19:33:00.000-05:00

I feel I have failed you in this, and I am sorry.

My job has gone completely insane since The Boss left. Don't misunderstand, it's better with him gone, better by a thousand fold, but I think Heather and I are being slowly crushed under a mountain of paperwork and stupidity that should be easier to just, well, avoid. And I had a stupid day full of vapid bubbleheads who wandered up to me and said "Um, I'm looking for a book?" And then waited.

Sorry, all out.

Actually, the best conversation went like this.

I answered the phone, "Thank you for calling Big Chain Bookstore in My Hometown, this is Kristine, how can I help you?" (Periodically, corporate tries to make me say "Thank you for calling Big Chain Bookstore where you can get our newest mass produced and completely uninteresting book release for 30% off, my name is Kristine, how can I provide you with excellent service today?" but if they ever really try to enforce that, my career with BCB will officially be done. Immediately. )

The voice on the other end said "I'm looking for a cookbook."

I waited, sure there was more. Then said, "Well, yes, I've got a whole section. Is there a particular cookbook you'd like?"

"One on crock pots."

Ah. One of these conversation. "Yes, I've got a whole cooking section on crockpots, with about fifty titles. Do you know the title of the book you're looking for?"

"It's about low fat crock pots."

I spent a humorous moment considering the possibilities of fatty crockpots -- crubby crockpots wandering around with a bag of potato chips in tow -- then said "Yes, most crockpot cooking is low fat these days. Is there a particular title I can find for you?" I'm trying to say this differently every time so that I'm not calling the woman an idiot.

"Oh dear. No, there isn't a name. Just...I need a cookbook. About crockpot cooking. The low fat kind."

Sigh. "Yes, well, as I said, we have several. Perhaps the best bet would be for you to come down to the store and look through the section so that you could find one that would suit your needs."

Huge angry sigh from her. "But I can't get there today."

I couldn't help myself. I tried, I really did. But I just couldn't not say, "I expect some of them will still be here tomorrow."

She said "Oh, all right then."

And hung up.

This is how I spend my days.

I'm going to go unbind an afghan edge and see if I have enough yarn to do a third repeat of these colors. It's not that the afghan isn't big enough, but it looks...unbalanced to me. And that annoys me. So I'll give it a shot. If I have to rip back and rebind off, you'll know all about it.

I think I'm going to go watch a whiny vampire while I do it.

Also, I'm browsing around for a good photo album site. I have lots of relatives in distant places, and rather than filling up my inboxes and theirs or spending a fortune on photo printing, I thought I'd get an album site set up and send out emails when new albums go up. My current favorite is Phanfare...what else do you know of? I'm not opposed to a small monthly fee, as it'll still be cheaper than sending my thirty-plus aunts the various pictures they all will want. Without even discussing Our Robb's family.

Much love,

me

I'm a grumpy girl

2007-10-01T18:20:00.000-05:00

And I don't know why.

I slept enough, I had a great morning, it was a good day, we went out for lunch, I played a little WoW -- and then, all of a sudden, the day just collapsed in on me, leaving me in a mean, grouchy, awful mood. Less than fun. My cats are making me insane. I think they're doing it on purpose. They're yelling and screaming and then getting mad when I yell back. No, it's not sane. I didn't say it was, why do you ask. :(

Anyway.

My aunt Karmen came to visit from Germany last Saturday, that was fantastically fun. We got the whole family together and ate lunch out at a restaurant I've always wanted to go to but never been able to go to. I got prezzies!

B, the onesie says "You never know how far you have to go to discover something new until you've found it." It's a classic Pooh onesie. There are matching white pants as well, and I'm worried about the fact that pants for someone who is 6 months old have pockets. That weirds me out. My friend who used to work at babyGap says that it's because people WON'T BUY pants that don't have pockets, because it stops babies looking like minipeople. Really weirds me out.

And I'm completely over the moon about the fact that there is someone coming into my world whose feet are that tiny. I mean, wow.

The baby blanket is probably done.

I've only done two repeats instead of three, but I might go ahead and do the third after all, if I have yarn enough. Which I won't know until I rip out the bind off and try. And if I have to rip back and bind off again because I don't have enough yarn, I might get irritable. We'll see how it goes. I'll decide when I feel less like a B-I-T-C-H.

Joan asked for the pattern -- it's free from Berocco here. The yarn is Berocco's Plush and Touche, five colors of each. If you decide to knit this, CHECK YOUR GAUGE or you will completely run out of yarn. I did get gauge (can you believe it??) but I may run out anyway. We'll see.

Incidentally, the colors in that picture on the website are ugly; the real colors of the yarn are much prettier. :)

My aunt is doing slightly better. After I got corrected on the blood count thing, I asked my mom what her doctors were considering normal, and what the info we were getting meant, just so we'd all be on the same page. Her doctor considers 2800 -- or 28 -- to be normal. My aunt has been around 2 -- or 200 -- for about a week now. Apparently, they climbed back up again, to about 5. It's a baby step, I guess. She's feeling well enough that she's bored and irritable about being in the hospital, which I personally consider to be the best sign of all of them. She's apparently really worked up about probably not being able to go to the baby shower this weekend, but Mom promised to talk to the nurses and find out when she'll be healthy enough for me to visit, and then I'll swing up and wear a mask and everything. Because even if she were well enough to come on Saturday, if she got sick again from being there, I'd feel so awful it just wouldn't be worth it.

And finally, everyone should go say hello to my friend Harriet who got suckered into blogging by all my nattering. She's a crocheter who's trying to get back to knitting -- currently, she needs sock tips. Go say hello!

Much love to you all,

-me

I'm so tired...

2007-09-27T20:05:00.000-05:00

...but life should be getting better from here. My boss's last day was today. He stormed out at 3pm after the DM informed him that today was his last day. He told my co-manager "I know this screws you guys for tonight, but I don't really care." So much for leaving on good terms, but at least he's gone. The district manager promises us a new general manager in the next three weeks. We'll see. It will do a lot for my faith and loyalty if that happens. In the meantime, it's a survival game. Keep the store running, start the process of improving our situation, and don't burn out or go crazy in the meantime.

Entertaining short story -- went to the doctor last week, asked her about working less. She agrees that I need to work less. I ask for a doctor's note. Nope. There's no medical reason for me to work less. I just need to talk to my boss and "work it out." I say that I'm certain they will make any accommodations they need to...but they need some sort of documentation that says my doctor thinks I should work less. Again, she refuses, saying that I should just cut back my hours. I try to explain why this isn't possible (I'll lose my job, lose my health insurance, and these things are, ya know, bad?), and she says I shouldn't worry about those things. The money stuff, according to her, just "works itself out."

Um. Yeah. Sure it does, if you make a doctor's wage. When you live paycheck to paycheck on a retail job, the money stuff surely does not "work itself out."

But alas and alack, it's all well and good. We shall survive. We see a different doctor next appointment, and Robb will come with me for the next one as a physical presence to keep me from getting all gooshy and crying like I did this last time (anger=tears, when +hormones, it all goes awful)...and then I hope that it will all "work itself out."

Meantime, I've been sleeping a lot again, which seriously affects my knitting. I needed something even less complicated than the Peter Pan lace front cardi to distract me, and when I went to the LYS to get some cashsoft to make teeny weeny hats for my step-sister's twins, likely to appear at any moment, I was...well.

Let me 'splain. I don't knit rectangles. I hate rectangles. Blankets, afghans...they're boring. I love the AbFab kit because the yarn changes so often it keeps me entertained (I'm simple in the brain, I tell you), but regular rectangle things...I hate them. The only thing I dislike more is chevrons. I once saw an entire book of chevron afghans in various colors and patterns and iterations, and it almost made me...well. I just don't like chevrons, okay?

So how the hell did this end up on my needles?

I mean, really.

The yarn is impractical, the colorwork should please the simple mindedest among us...why am I knitting this? We're not even going to DISCUSS the cost of the yarn for this (thank god for the Berocco sale, that's all I'm sayin'), or the fact that technically this blankie should be DRY CLEANED.

I saw it, and I had to have it.

Simple minded. Only excuse I can think of.

And by the way, Alison? Just because I'm breaking my own rules and knitting myself a baby blanket does not in any way mean that you are off the hook. :P

Last but not least, I wanted to say thanks for your prayers...my aunt's platelet count is slowly rising. Up to 4 from 2 (normal is 15-40). It's obviously far too soon to say whether this slow improvement will continue, but for now, it's a step in the right direction. Maybe she will get to hold my little Lucy Joy Diana after all. Or my Charles Sebastian. Whichever way it goes (although the needle on a thread trick invariable says girl) I'll be thrilled.

Two months until there's a tiny new little person in my life. I can't wait!

Emergency Sock Yarn to the rescue

2007-09-12T17:56:00.000-05:00

First off, computer survived the fate of the power supply. Note to all of you out there; if your computer starts randomly rebooting and when you start poking at it, you notice that something feels really warm, don't do what I did the first time this happened a couple of years back; don't restart your system over and over trying to figure out where the harddrive error is occurring. If it's a random reboot, it's almost always a hardware problem; software problems tend to happen when you're doing the same thing.

Anyway, Staples came through for me. I called them Sunday morning to ask what power supplys they stock. The guy who answered the phone says "380, 430, 500." Those are wattages. I said "Antec?" (which is the brand I'm fond of). He says, "Uh- yeah." In his "as if there's another kind." voice. It was fantastic. I bought a bigger power supply than I did the last time I bought a power supply, because I am a novice in this world of computer building, and I consulted several friends who said that, while I don't run a system that technically *needs* 500 watts of power on a regular basis, I do run a system that consistently runs at the top end of it's load (I'm trying to use all the fun computer terms I've been learning with them so that then I hang out with them I fit it, this is like knitters who randomly drop the difference between Fair Isle and Norwegian stranding into conversation, don't mind me), so it's kind of like baking bread in a pan that's only just barely big enough. You're going to get some in the oven eventually. How this is a metaphor for blowing the fan on your power supply, I don't know. Let's just say it works.

Anyway.

New power supply. Computer is working well. Yay!

Now, Friday, before the world got all stupid, I had taken this picture:

This is a picture of every skein of Emergency Sock Yarn that I have gotten with all of my Socks That Rock kits over the past year and a half. It's cool stuff, just as soft and pretty and durable as their big skein cousins, but since I'm obsessive about having short legs on my socks, I never use up my whole skein of yarn, so I've never needed to break into my Emergency Yarn Stash. So they became a kind of artwork, decorating this really cool teapot that I got from a friend in California who I have since lost touch with.

Each little sock yarn came on a little key chain type holder, so that you could clip it wherever you personally might run into a need for Emergency yarn. I used it to hang off the lid of the teapot. I started with just one skein on there, and then hung another one off that same skein, again and again, for a year and a half. These are just dinky little key chain holder mabobs. I don't blame the original one for giving out.

I thought about just clicking a different key chain thingy on the teapot and going from there. But then the one skein where the dodad was shot would keep falling down. I thought of taking just that one teeny skein down, but that felt like cheating.

So I thought, and I thought, and then I thought ah-ha!

This is more-or-less the LisaKnits pattern for Baby's First Hat that was in the collection that Karin sent me last January when I had my wisdom teeth pulled. If I thought hard, i could probably tell you the progression of socks that rock colors, but I don't want to. I like the watercolor progression of the hat. I like that I have something to put on my little baby's head that was dyed with love and caring by some of the nicest women I've heard about.

Hooray.

Now, on the subject of nicest women I've heard about, I am still working away at the sweater from the Lisa Souza Sock! in Mulberry. This is the pattern I've been working on -- the small raglan cardigan at the bottom of the photo. I'm not showing you pictures because it still looks stupid due to the fact that the pattern wants me to knit each piece separately and then seam them all together, and I'm being stubborn. I hate seaming raglans. It could just be me, but it seems like it never ever works out right. The seams look messy and unpleasant, and I get all huffy, and that is not the experience I want with this sweater. So I'm knitting each piece up to where it says to start doing armhole shaping, and then I'm going to knit them all together in the round and work up to the neck. If it weren't for the lace pattern, I would be really obnoxious and reverse engineer the whole thing so that I was also knitting it from the neck down. So I'm not going to show this to you until I have gotten to the "in the round" part.

If you see a problem with this, please alert me quickly. I've thought that I should probably decrease an extra stitch on each front and two each on the sleeves and back to eliminate seaming stitches...anything else?

And finally, some of you have been diligently and desperately asking me for belly pictures as you've heard that there is a belly worth seeing now. There is, and I will, I promise. I'm not being self-conscious about my size (yet) but Robb is too busy with his digital life tonight to take a picture. Don't blame him, blame me, I didn't think of asking him until he was wrapped up in Heroic Shattered Halls. If you don't know what that means, thank your lucky stars. :)

Two last quick notes...one day back from vacation and I want to quit my job, plus I got word that my aunt is back in the hospital with pneumonia and a high fever that they just can't kick. They're not allowing visitors at this point, because she needs to rest too much. Prayers appreciated.

Much love.

update, and not about knitting

2007-09-08T23:22:00.000-05:00

got home tonight and discovered that the fan in my computer's power supply has bricked. Thankfully, as far as I can tell, this *fantastic* event occurred without damaging anything else in the computer; when this thing goes fooey, it can blow your motherboard, processor, hard drive...it's not really an unexpected thing to have happen to my computers, I push them hard, but it's still frustrating to find out that your computer is unusable half an hour before Best Buy closes.

with luck, tomorrow, I will get a new power supply, and all will be beautiful and gorgeous in the world.

If luck is not with me, I'll be ordering one to arrive sometime next week.

Either way, I'll be fairly quiet until then, as I'll only get computer time when I can pry Robb free. hahahaha.

Anyway, I'm enjoying my vacation. I'll try and sneak on in the morning and at least give you a pic free update.

Much love.

Because every newborn needs a sweater that looks like my parents' retro 70s kitchen all knitted up.

2007-09-01T10:08:00.001-05:00

So let's just get that out of the way right now, shall we?

I used up my skein of Rare Gems from the BMFA ladies to make a Babies and Bears sweaters for the new arrival in December. It's almost done; I think it needs rhinestone buttons, but i'm not quite sure where to acquire such things on the cheap, so it may have to wait a few weeks. Which is fine, because this is where my superstition exercises itself slightly; I won't really really really really finish any of the things that I'm making until Thanksgiving or so. I'll have a button sewing-on party.

It's a great way to procrastinate, don't you think?

The sweater came out a titch small, I think, but first babies run smallish in both my families and Robb's, so I'm hoping for the best.

I'm also starting in on what I hope will be the sweater to bring my little baby home in; I got seriously stressed about this for awhile -- it'll be December, this was an important decision! -- but I think I've made the right choice. The sweater itself will be a Peter Pan & Wendy design -- I'll scan the pattern in some day when there isn't crap on my scanner -- but what makes it really important is the yarn. I tore my house apart this past week trying to figure this one out, ten different kinds of strung out because I wanted something perfect for my wee one, but yarn buying is completely out of the question under the current budget restraints. I kept tearing apart the yarn shelves, and then putting them back together, and I kept moving the same skein over and over again, while lamenting the lack of a perfectly colored yarn, crafted with love and sincerity by a wonderful person.

And then I realized that the yarn in my hand was Mulberry colored Sock! by Lisa Souza.

And I felt something of an idiot.

The pattern calls for a DK weight yarn, and it took me a full four hours to get the gauge right. Sock! is a fairly, well, sockish yarn, and I thought I remembered hearing that if you doubled a fingering weight yarn, you get a Dk weight yarn. Apparently, I miss remembered, because I was getting a gauge I associate with worsted weights -- 5 stitches to the inch, when the pattern wanted 6. Single stranded, the gauge was perfect, but too loose and lacy for a winter sweater. Eventually, I doubled the yarn and went from the suggested 4mm needles down to 2.5mms. The yarn isn't quite as drapey as it might be, but it has a denseness and solidness that makes me happy. It feels like Lisa's caring made solid and put close to the skin of someone who'll feel it, if she doesn't mind me saying so. I'll post a picture when there's more to show than just an inch of garter and an inch of stockinette.

And then, finally, I have to brag. I'm having one of those "I have this and you don't" moments, even though it isn't charitable, but look look look what Ranee sent me for my little one-on-the-way!

Angora and cashmere, she said, just perfect for a baby born in the dead of winter.

Thank you thank you thank you, Ranee!

In other news, my aunt has relapsed again; bone marrow tests haven't come back yet, so we're not sure how bad it is this time, but with this particular disease, it just kinda keeps getting worse every time. More chemo, for sure. So far, she's staying just ahead of the science curve, though; each time they battle her back into remission, they say "if it comes back, there's nothing more we can do," but by the time it does, they've come up with something.

Here's hoping for another something.

Much love.

This post has sod all to do with knitting.

2007-08-23T22:25:00.000-05:00

Just so we're clear from the forefront. I don't want to be blamed later.

Today, I got some of the most personally depressing news I've gotten in awhile. I was at work, and someone came in asking for Wood's Tea cds. For those of you not in the know, Wood's Tea Company is a folk band that started here in Vermont, and has been touring to an avid and rabid fan base for about half a million years. I first saw them in 1995 or so, with a boy I thought I loved. I've seen them three or four times since, hired them to play at Marlboro when I was Student Activities Director there. Robb fell in love with their music -- impressive for his 80s metal tastes -- and I always meant for us to go see them live, but it never worked out with his schedule or mine.

And then, today, a customer told me that Rusty, the co-founder of the band, had died of a heart attack at 56.

I've never had a personal conversation with Rusty, but I feel like my heart is breaking. I miss him, somehow, even though I only knew his music.

And I feel like someone is reminding to get my ass in gear and do what I want to do now, because maybe I don't have as long as I might think.

Much love.

I'm here, I'm alive, I'm sorry!

2007-08-21T08:28:00.001-05:00

It's all okay, I promise! I've been hit by early exhaustion, heartburn, and uncontrollable emotions. That turns out to be the 1-2-3- punch that ko'd this kiddo into a brief retirement. But the ref only got to the two count, I kicked out of it, and I'm swaying a bit, but I'm back on my feet.

Sorry. Robb's been playing his WWE game a lot on the playstation lately.

Just about 24 weeks now, which means this crazy ride is almost halfway over. So far, being pregnant is rough on my system; by no means as bad as some of my friends have had it, but nothing as calm and easy as some other friends. Heartburn, back pain, swollen feet. At my doctor's appointment yesterday, there was some talk of limiting my hours if I don't recover some from being so damn tired.

Work is stressful and insane. Various situations have contrived to turn my boss into something of a lame duck president, which leaves me divided. I don't think he can salvage the situation he's created, which makes me feel a little bad for him, but he created the situation, so there's also an aspect of "Well, then, take your medicine." He's back from his little vacation on Thursday; I'm not looking forward to it. The only thing that makes me like him at all right now is that he acknowledged that I worked so insanely much overtime in the last three months that he's letting me take a week's vacation without pulling it from my vacation time, which means that I will still have vacation time to spend at the beginning of my maternity leave.

I've hardly been knitting. I seriously need to cast on for the last sleeve of the ladybug sweater, but all that stranding is daunting in my current state. I finished the pretty yellow-and-blue sweater but it's not quite as charming as I'd hoped. When I have a bit more of the financial resources, I'm going to go find adorable buttons, and that should cheer it up some as well. I might just cast on for the star sweater in navy and yellow and let that cheery color brighten me up as well. It's worth a shot, right?

Oh, and they took another look at the ultrasound yesterday (they couldn't get a clear view of the umbilical cord last time, and sometimes the abdominal wall doesn't seal properly, and you get bowel poking into the cord, wanted to make sure that wasn't happening) and the child was being less modest, so they took another look at the business end, and are pretty sure we're having a girl. I wrote that in white on white, so if you want to know, highlight the word. Otherwise, you can wait and be surprised at the end. :)

I'll try and actually start posting pictures and things and being interesting again. You'll know how it goes; perhaps you can let me know!

Much love.

There is a word.

2007-07-30T16:59:00.000-05:00

I do not use it often.

I don't believe my friend J invented it, but I do know that I first heard it from him.

I don't use this word often, because it conveys such a depth of sarcastic hatred and complete defiance of authority that I would never want to cheapen this beautiful word by overusing it. By allowing it to apply to simple situations and regularly annoying people who would be sufficiently covered by "jerk" or "idiot" or one of the other, more common phrases circulating in the common slang.

But I use it today, to describe my boss.

Because my boss is, in fact, an asshat.

I'm trying to keep this from becoming a work-bitching blog, because those are boring, but I need to share just this one incident from today, because it was the first time I've actually been glad that I turned ratfink and told the DM about what's ACTUALLY going on in our store.

Today, Mr. Boss took one look at me and said, in a worried tone, "Are you okay?"

I thought, maybe I could be honest. "No, I'm not," I said.

"What's going on?" He asked, although he was pulling out his "sincere tone" and I should have known better than to answers:

"I'm exhausted. I'm tired out from all these 48 hour weeks, and I'm starting to be so tired that I'm worried about my health."

And his answer? Now, keep in mind, that this week, both my co-manager and I are scheduled for 45 hours, but thoroughly know that we'll need to put in almost 50 to even keep the store running at all, and he's grousing about being scheduled for 40, because his Friday isn't "really" a day off, since he has family stuff to do. His answer:

"Well, we don't really have 40 hour a week jobs, do we?"

Well, we don't, but you do. Asshat.

Anyway. Thank you for listening. Now, for pretty things.

First of all, my personal slice of heaven:

And second, the Minnowknits sweater in full progression.

I love the construction of this little guy. Knit the back, keep it on the needles, knit one front, three-needle-bind-off the shoulder. Knit the other front, repeat. Pick up stitches from one armhole to the other, knit down the sleeve. Cast off. This will leave me with two seams, and then just the collar to knit.

And, I think I'm going to buy the pattern for EZ's Baby Surprise Jacket when I get paid this week.

I love baby things.

Officially half way there.

Much love.

Lilac Knitting

All you people coming to visit...

Wedded Bliss

Interruption

It was the perfect day.

Don't give up on me just yet.

I've been quiet for a long time again...

The obligatory Wrapping Up The Year post

You look like a monkey...

Is it Friday yet?

November: Survived!

November? I'm watching you.

It is a blow to one's ego

I aten't dead

Chatty Cathy

October, take two!

I got tagged!!!

Despite...

Confessions

Has it really been that long?

Sleeping is for birds.

Thank God I was pregnant last year

S.L.O.W. D.O.W.N.

One with pictures!!!

Thank you

I'd forgotten what spit up tastes like.

Cute hats, cute pictures, cute babies...

Poor Little Bug.

What I did on my...the opposite of summer vacation.

Actual knitting accomplished!

Inner Strength

200th post! ZOMG.

Public Service Announcement

In which there is practically no knitting.

Snatching a moment.

Monday is fired.

One of *those* weeks.

In which Fate bites me in the heiny.

Blushing over here, already.

Use your imagination

Blogging from my brother's

Where am I now?

Someone has a case of the "Mondays".

You guess.

An honest accounting of WIPs

This time, with pictures!

Grumbly bear

I know you're all dying to know...

Weekend, I love you; or, cabling with cotton is not for the faint of heart.

In case the title of the blog hadn't clued you in...

Now that I have a new-and-improved shift-key

A Picture or Three

Still no pictures.

It was a good week.

It's good to be a survivor

...and...

Quickie

Another one with no pictures.

Denial; it's not just a river in Egypt.

Happy 1/3rd of a Year Birthday, Lucy!

Wherein Knitting Fails To Hypnotise My Daughter

This is one of those weeks.

I am the coolest cool kid in Coolsville.

Oh thank GOD

Because B won't let it rest until I post this...

I have subscribers?

Something interesting and entertaining here

Ah! A talking muffin!

Ask...

Ah, the calmness of life

FO! Cast on!

I thought progress went FORWARD, not BACK.

O Blessed Peace

In the Spirit of the New Year

Still alive

Quickie

Oops, what happened to my life?

Dear World:

Hello, blogland

Baby Shower Part II, Electric Boogaloo

One of those weeks.